I Have A Blog, How Odd.

Friday, April 06, 2007 @ 10:50 PM

it's hard to stop when there is no inter-pop

Somehow, i found today's khutbah exceptionally BORING. It didn't really rock my socks & i nearly dozed off to dreamland. Its just the way that the khateeb read out the khutbah didn't make me sit up & listen in awe.

You see, jumaat is usually a time when i look forward to listen to an inspiring khutbah. Unfortunately, the khutbahs can range from outstanding to just plain "what-the-hell-was-that?".

I prefer those type of khateebs that read out khutbahs with fiery passion...those colourful types if you know what i mean. I've actually categorized the type of khateebs that i've listened to in my 24 years of existence on God's great green ball of flipping awesomeness.

The Broken English Khateeb

Once in a while in Singapore, khutbahs are delivered in English. Well, it's not really Arabic & it's not really English. Basically it's a bastardization of both languages. The only thing anyone will understand is the "Assalamualaikum" at the beginning & the occasional grunts & screams.

The Angry Khateeb

It appears this Khateeb woke up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning. Perhaps he stubbed his toe on the way to Jumaat prayers or he spilt coffee on his jubah?

Perhaps he entered the masjid with his left foot or couldn't find a parking space for his ride at the masjid. It is unknown what makes an angry khateeb so angry but it's most likely due to a sequence of regrettable events.

The angry khateeb also likes to point at things when giving his talk. Basically he'll point at random people in the crowd & proceed to scream at the top of his lungs.

Once he pointed at me & screamed that if i don't watch my wife too closely or if i commit adultery then i'll go to hell or something. Now i'm not married so my first reaction was to blush & i was flattered that he thought I was a married man.

Another quizzical thing about this was that i was only 15 years old when this incident happened.

The We-Suck-Today-But-Our-Past-Was-Awesome Khateeb

This is the standard Khateeb. He highlights obvious points about how today we are lacking & our past was awesome. No…better than awesome. Outstandingly astonishing.

But today we're in the pits. The Khateeb will go on & on about how much we suck & describe that the main reason we're going downhill is because of the West holding Islam down or something.

This Khateeb will also talk about how Muslims invented all sorts of gizmos & gadgets. It'll all start off with algebra & chemistry but it'll move on to other things like microwaves, automobiles, the wheel...i guess we invented the entire world & more.

The Khateeb will then finish off how we will one day take over Rome & Islam will be glorious as the conquest of Rome is one of the signs of the Day of Judgment. Obviously it'll happen but then people like me in the crowd just raise their eyebrows.

The We're-Not-Terrorists Khateeb

In case you forgot, this Khateeb will remind you that Islam is a peaceful religion & we aren't terrorists. I think we need reminders like this every other week because we have short-term memory.

Yeah... it sure is great to inspire our youth with people like this.