I Have A Blog, How Odd.

Monday, April 30, 2007 @ 11:12 PM

AND THE TELETUBBIES WENT TO WAR

What is up with superstitions nowdays? Its dumb when especially Muslims starts getting superstitious. So dumb it gets on my tits at times. And when this superstitious Muslims are little kiddos, i can go dumb.

Over the weekend, my newly-wed cousin had this house-warming party. Kind of a family gathering. Plenty of good food. ( i like )

Things started getting weird after maghrib. An elegant & finger licking dinner was served & i dove right in, scarfing down a popiah.

This act, unfortunately, freaked out my aunt's sons, Haziq & Danish. They were i guess were just 5 & 7 years old respectively. I suck at remembering peoples ages. But Haziq & Danish do look like they are 5 & 7. And oh boy, they are pretty smart i tell ya...

Danish: STOP! Abang, did you say Bismillah before you ate that popiah?
Me: Err...no? I forgot. Sorry.
Danish: Now syaitan will spit on your food!
Me: What? That's pretty nasty.
Haziq: No abang hardi, when someone doesn't say Bismillah then syaitan will pee in your right ear!
Me: He pees in my ear? Why would he do that?
Haziq: That's how you get ear-wax!

That’s a bit extreme. I’m all for saying Bismillah before meals & i encourage everyone to start their meals with God’s name, but to use scare tactics like Syaitan spitting on your food is a bit too much.

I mean i hate Syaitan as much as the next guy but i don't think he will literally pee in my ear. There are many other places to pee. Besides, he actually pees in your ear if you neglect Subuh prayers.

NASTY.

Anyway, me thinks Haziq & Danish are rather cool. I wanna be like them when i grow up.

Monday, April 23, 2007 @ 9:35 PM

I'm feeling uber-lazy.

However, i do have a juicy tidbit to share.

Here's how to increase your iman & make your wudhu one of your sweetest acts of worship:

On the Day of Judgement, many people will be crying out of thirst on that day. The Prophet (saw) said that only my Ummah will drink from my well/river (i don't quite remember). The Sahabats (ra) then asked the Prophet (saw) how will he recognize his ummah for surely many people will come after him right?

The Prophet (saw) said they will have markings of sujud & wudhu. How cool is that!

So everytime you make wudhu, be proud & think to yourself, "This is how my Rasul (saw) will recognize me over all the other Ummahs!". This will thus encourage you to do your wudhu properly.

The Prophet (saw) also said that everytime you make wudhu, every drop, yes, every drop that touches the skin & falls onto the ground carries a sin with it. Just think of how many sins you're being forgiven just by making wudhu.

So never feel reluctant to use enough water in a cold morning for Subuh.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007 @ 9:44 PM

my hand smells like digested cow

Salams.

Having to fork out $$$ just to buy skate products can really burn a hole in your pockets. Trust me, i know.

So come this saturday, i will be helping out Sherizan a.k.a sheikhster with the weekend sale which is organised by the local skateboarding community here in SG.

It will be held from 12pm till 9pm at No. 90 Tanjong Katong Rd (near City Plaza).

We will be selling Skate & also Surf Brand names like Adio, Mystery, Zero, Lakai, Santa Cruz, Volcom, Quiksilver & a whole lot more.

From T-shirts to shoes, decks, trucks, wheels, accesories & a whole lot more. You name it.

From what i heard, you could get great discounts from last season's products. I love discounts. Don't we all?

And yes, local band Plain Sunset will be opening for nofx come this Friday.

Awesome.

Directions for the w/end sale: From Paya Lebar MRT Station proceed to Eunos Road 8 opp S'pore Post Ctr & board either one of these bus numbers: 43, 76 or 135 & alight at the second stop in front of CDAC (after Lion City Hotel).

Saturday, April 14, 2007 @ 12:47 AM

On the train yesterday, i was crammed between a really big-sized woman & the rest of the big-sized woman.

No offence, but she really was enormous.

So enormous that i could have written a book about her.

When the train lurched off, i was seriously worried that i might trip & fall into her voluminous bosom & suffocate before the S'pore Civil Defence Force could even winch me out. Geez!

Thursday, April 12, 2007 @ 8:58 PM

Dearest blog,

I love my eyebrows.

Not for their shape or anything...but for their ability & strength.

I once lifted a school table with my eyebrows - true story.

Friday, April 06, 2007 @ 10:50 PM

it's hard to stop when there is no inter-pop

Somehow, i found today's khutbah exceptionally BORING. It didn't really rock my socks & i nearly dozed off to dreamland. Its just the way that the khateeb read out the khutbah didn't make me sit up & listen in awe.

You see, jumaat is usually a time when i look forward to listen to an inspiring khutbah. Unfortunately, the khutbahs can range from outstanding to just plain "what-the-hell-was-that?".

I prefer those type of khateebs that read out khutbahs with fiery passion...those colourful types if you know what i mean. I've actually categorized the type of khateebs that i've listened to in my 24 years of existence on God's great green ball of flipping awesomeness.

The Broken English Khateeb

Once in a while in Singapore, khutbahs are delivered in English. Well, it's not really Arabic & it's not really English. Basically it's a bastardization of both languages. The only thing anyone will understand is the "Assalamualaikum" at the beginning & the occasional grunts & screams.

The Angry Khateeb

It appears this Khateeb woke up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning. Perhaps he stubbed his toe on the way to Jumaat prayers or he spilt coffee on his jubah?

Perhaps he entered the masjid with his left foot or couldn't find a parking space for his ride at the masjid. It is unknown what makes an angry khateeb so angry but it's most likely due to a sequence of regrettable events.

The angry khateeb also likes to point at things when giving his talk. Basically he'll point at random people in the crowd & proceed to scream at the top of his lungs.

Once he pointed at me & screamed that if i don't watch my wife too closely or if i commit adultery then i'll go to hell or something. Now i'm not married so my first reaction was to blush & i was flattered that he thought I was a married man.

Another quizzical thing about this was that i was only 15 years old when this incident happened.

The We-Suck-Today-But-Our-Past-Was-Awesome Khateeb

This is the standard Khateeb. He highlights obvious points about how today we are lacking & our past was awesome. No…better than awesome. Outstandingly astonishing.

But today we're in the pits. The Khateeb will go on & on about how much we suck & describe that the main reason we're going downhill is because of the West holding Islam down or something.

This Khateeb will also talk about how Muslims invented all sorts of gizmos & gadgets. It'll all start off with algebra & chemistry but it'll move on to other things like microwaves, automobiles, the wheel...i guess we invented the entire world & more.

The Khateeb will then finish off how we will one day take over Rome & Islam will be glorious as the conquest of Rome is one of the signs of the Day of Judgment. Obviously it'll happen but then people like me in the crowd just raise their eyebrows.

The We're-Not-Terrorists Khateeb

In case you forgot, this Khateeb will remind you that Islam is a peaceful religion & we aren't terrorists. I think we need reminders like this every other week because we have short-term memory.

Yeah... it sure is great to inspire our youth with people like this.