I Have A Blog, How Odd.

Sunday, December 31, 2006 @ 11:56 PM

aidiladha is a goat's favourite day & nasi briyani lovers

Usually before the Aidiladha Prayer, we do a thing called the Takbir. It is usually said out loud in unison.

And in most masjids, it is usually done...

a) by having one dedicated guy on the mic saying the Takbir to encourage everyone to recite together or

b) riskily pass a portable mic around to give other folks a try at it.

Its quite simple, you say ''Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar ... La ilaha ilallah. Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar, Walillahil Hamd''.

That is essentially it. There are some ''bonus Sunnah'' versions of this but this is the basic one that everyone does.

Typically, when people pass the portable mic around they continue in the same melody & style as the congregation. But there is always this one guy that sounds like his vocal chords were coarsely mutated in a radioactive explosion or something because when the mic somehow lands in his hands, the nice melodic & serene atmosphere grinds to a halt and Aidiladha is turned upside down!
Masjids needs to ban people like the above right by making an official Aidiladha Takbir Blacklist. Horrible vocal chords can unnecessarily ruin Aidiladha for many people. If the person beside you is awful & its his turn to have the mic then do whatever it takes to destroy the microphone.

Monday, December 25, 2006 @ 10:27 PM

SO SANTA, WHO'S YOUR DADDY NOW?

Ho ho ho!

*Hardi sings* This the season to be jolly. Or is it not?

During Christmas people always sing dumb songs on how things should be a ''White Christmas''. What the crap is a white Christmas? Its supposedly about the "snow" but deep-down I think there are some massive racial undertones in this.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white

Sounds pretty damn racist if you ask me. Can you imagine a white dude singing this to a black dude? Heck, any non-white dude or dudette for that matter...the results will all be the same: absolute disgust.

Why no black Christmas?

Or brown Christmas?

Or yellow Christmas or a mixed Christmas?

I know...its probably because Santa Claus himself is racist.

Saturday, December 23, 2006 @ 12:27 PM

i swear hijabs can save your life

One of the biggest dilemmas a Muslim girl will face in her life is the decision to put on HIJAB. It is understandable why the decision is tough.

There's always some strange people out there who like to tease. They'd say "lol is that a napkin on your head?" or ''lol is there a bomb under there?'' etc.

Even we men have a hijab (modesty thingy) but for now let's just stick with the women's hijab as they are the ones that have to go through the tough decision of donning the hijab covering in this mean & scary society.

Well, i decided to post some proofs as to why the hijab could possibly save your life.

People can't pull your hair with a hijab.

This one is pretty obvious. Having long hair is common for most girls & this could prove dangerous in a lot of cases. With a hijab on, your hair is under a nice scarf & if they ever have the urge to pull it then they won't have any grip.

Having hair pulled = painful.

If you are ever falling from an aeroplane, your hijab will save you.

Sometimes in life we tend to fall from aeroplanes or helicopters for unknown reasons. Typically, one would fall to their death but a hijabi can use her hijab to parachute to safety. Ta-dah.

Bad hair days suck & hijabs can prevent that.

Have you ever been late to school or work & didn't have enough time to turn on the light in the toilet so you just showered/brushed teeth/fixed your hair in the dark?

No? I'm sure it has happened to some people.

The result: this.

*shudders* If only she wore hijab.

People are less likely to eat your hijab than eat your hair.

Occasionally, blood-thirsty zombies will come walking about & feed on your hair. The best way to prevent this is to wear hijab.

Hair-eating zombies = scary.

Hopefully the Muslim girls who are in limbo whether or not to wear hijab will consider these factors.

Hijab = safety.

Sunday, December 17, 2006 @ 11:00 PM

I feel dumb. I was prollie being too friendly with my buddy's sister that he doesn't want to talk to me. Therefore toads are cute.

It takes quite some time to write in an entry. It takes even longer to think of what to write about. But whenever i get stumped, i think of the opposite gender (no, not think OF them but think of topics I can do ABOUT them because they seem to give me an endless supply of arsenal) No kidding, mate.

Marriage is the hottest topic on the mind of a girl usually once after she turns 18 & if it was Halal to bet, i will bet you a hundred bucks you have thought about marriage a few times this past month. If you are a girl then change 'this past month' to 'this past hour'.

For some strange reason there is this bizarre stereotype that all girls think about is marriage. Like it or not, the stereotype is partially true. Girls of course deny it & even while reading this they are thinking "Oh my gosh, that is so untrue...hardi is such an idiot!"

If anybody has gone to Masjid Al-Falah in town, they should know that the masjid is usually full with youths on saturday nights who drop by there to do their Maghrib prayers while hanging out in town.Take innocent Guy A who after Maghrib is just innocently tying his shoes outside on an innocent night. A pack of hungry girls roam nearby.

Girl A - *giggle*
Girl B - Do you think he saw me? LOL!
Girl C -No. I wore a bright yellow hijab today so he'll notice me.

Modesty gets flushed down the toilet unfortunately. Flush.

And guys, please stop grinning. We are no angels either. If anything we are much worse. At least girls just giggle & gossip amongst themselves. That is cute. But man, there are certain situations where I just grimace in pain & get ashamed that I have a Y Chromosome.

Figuring out the opposite gender takes 90% of my brain power. I'm sorry guys but let's face it...you can date a 100 women before marriage & think you "mastered the girl situation" but as soon as that Nikah contract is signed, you will soon realize that the "experience" you received from dating those 100 girls in the past was useless. Why?

Because girls are unsolvable. Period.

Ever stop and wonder why they made the Riddler from the Batman comics to be a male? It is because if the Riddler was a female then Batman would NEVER be able to solve any of her riddles. The Riddleress would be victorious and that would be the end of Batman forever.

Geez!

Saturday, December 16, 2006 @ 6:55 AM

I COULD HAVE LEARNT MORE WATCHING DORA THE EXPLORER

Sometimes I wonder if there's a reason why Muslims aren't in power anymore. I seriously think Allah has blessed us by not giving us power. I think we are just too stupid to be able to handle any kind of power at this point in time.

I'm going to explain why. Do you get stupid e-mail forwards from your Muslim friends? I do. These e-mail forwards are my reasoning that Muslims shouldn't be in power. I think we're dumb.

Here's something a moronic friend forwarded to me... 3 times.

Subject: DONT DELETE! IF YOUR A MUSLIM! PLEASE READ THIS!

I hope this e-mail reaches you in the highest state of health and imaan inshAllah. This is a story that I wish to share. One day an Imam was reading Qur'an and he fell asleep while reading it. When he woke up he received a dream that Prophet (SAW) told him to spread the message to as many people as he knew. If he spread it to 100 people, he'd reach Jannatul Firdous. If he spread it to 50 people, he'd have many wonderful wives in this life. If he spread it to 25 people, his tastebuds would change and all the milk in the world would taste like honey. If he did not spread the message, he will die.

The tradition of the sheikh lives on today. Please forward this to as many people as you know and enjoy the rewards of Allah (SWT). Do not delete it or leave it in your inbox. Allah (SWT) does not like lazy people.

What the hell. This was my reaction:

I replied to him saying i was deleting his e-mail & i'm blocking him. He called me & pleaded with me to forward it to at least one person. I refused. My stupid friend still pleads with me, saying i would die if i don't forward the e-mail. Someone should tell him that the e-mail is right ... I WILL DIE, just don't know when.

I told my friend that he will die too... only he will die pissing more people off than i did.

For the idiots: Chain letters are not right so stop sending them.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006 @ 10:58 PM

Anything stupid to be sung is sung by Britney Spears.

When i was 6 or 7... i got easily distracted during prayers.

And also, i wasn't really fond of praying. I was more fond of cartoons, toys & more toys.

You know what distracts me in prayer?

Those prayer rugs!

I mean they have all these squiggly designs. I try to make sense out of them & even make pictures out of them while praying.

I hate those rugs!

I hated those rugs so much that i started praying on the bare floor.

Hunger can also be a problem for me. Now, i get the eats done before I give my 10 minutes of submission.

Hardi is still feeling elated about getting the job, he is still feeling so very the elated that he feels like hugging someone or something right now.

*walks off to room & hugs pillow*

Monday, December 11, 2006 @ 11:00 AM

Batman looks like a drag queen on steroids.

This new blog skin wouldn't have been possible w/o Siti Hajar. She has been a great help so credits & many thanks to her.

So let me kick-start the week with a bang.

Now let's not beat around the bush...pardon the pun.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006 @ 10:28 PM

Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.

Earlier today, i tried recalling...

what my earliest ambitions were when i was a kid...

like what i wanted to be.

This is gonna sound a tad funny but this was my earliest ambitions:

1) To be a Postman.

And then i changed my mind to an Astronaut.

And then i went back to wanting to be a a Postman.

Teehee...

Sunday, December 03, 2006 @ 11:48 PM

Fate is like a madman chasing me with a knive.

Watching Amanda Ling of Electrico working it on her keyboard last night at Indie Garden...

Left me utterly speechless & for once left me weak in the knees that i had the suddden urge to shout...

'Amanda!!! Will you marry me?'

Unfortunately...Amanda Ling overrides my ability to reason.

She's hot...

But then hell is hotter.

So when we were there, i had this convo with a friend...

I translated it to english for better effect.

Me: Hey look at that girl, look what she's wearing.

Friend: What do you want me to do? She isn't muslim, i need not bother.

Me: Well look at her she looks 'tight'.

Friend: Ok why do you keep staring at her? You do know that the first sight is allowed, but looking twice is a sin.

Me: No worries, i am still on my first one, it doesn't say how long the first one should last.

Friend: Muahaha! Idiot! May Allah have mercy on you.

Me: Amin.

So if you ask me to choose between Amanda Ling & that girl who looked 'tight'...

Its obvious ain't it?