Guys&Dolls

exalant!

2008-06-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

Thru aut dhe histori, meni intalekts tryd tu formulet a consistant we of ryting english. Benjamin Franklin is wan of dhem. But, du tu comen pipel's hesitansi, supirior sistam waz nevar adhapted. Wan de dho, pipel will rite lyk dhis. A consistant wey of ryting english.

Dhis wud bi isi tu larn, and u wud not hav tu rimembar ilogical spelings for so meni words.

Infact dhis sistam is so isi, ryt aftar u rid dhis post, u ar ebl tu ryt eni ward.

Isn't dhat owsam!!!???

Dhis typ of ryting harts my ays!!!

This is how probably the looney tune characters would type if they could... espeffaily Daffy Duck. But then again, i'm no looney toon character.

English today is not what it was in the victorian era. The current system of english is so erratic, it takes years to perfect the spellings, let alone grammar. But still people keep a dictionary on their table in case they need to check how some word is spelled (also to check the meanings).

This system of mine however could be mastered in only 1 month! Or even sooner. The rules are simple.

riid wat u ryt, ryt wat u riid.

Ride on.

2008-06-28T02:09:00.000-07:00

I was checking out some BMX vids on several websites regarding the local scene here in SG, which by the way was awesome, and as i scrolled down, i saw a few comments.

So as i began to read some of them, i was totally blown away by what some of these kids were saying; free coasters suck, brakeless sucks, he sucks, this company sucks, big bars suck, small bars suck...the list just kept going. How freaking ungrateful i thought.

The very riders and companies that keep the sport thriving are being criticized and dumbed down by these little know-it-alls just because of preference or style. If those little asses truly love BMX, those thoughts wouldn't even cross their minds, but because they can do tailwhips at their local parks, they get this big ego and think they run the industry and call the shots. They're missing the entire point of BMX.

I'm 24 and used to ride BMX ever since i was in secondary school, busting my ass everyday and i can barely Smith-grind a two-foot ledge. But you know what?

It doesn't matter because just by reading all those narrow-minded comments, i can guarantee that i still love the sport more than any of those dumbf--ks who thinks they have the right to talk sh-t in such a manner about the pros and companies that have given them an opportunity to ride everyday.

Please grow up or just quit riding because you're wrecking it for the people who truly love it.

Ok la...i want to watch Harry Potter.

I just ate toothpaste but really i prefer the aroma of foot powder

2008-06-01T03:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i wonder... if we're drowning in our egos or just drowning full stop.

Sometimes i wonder whether writing...the pursuit of trying to relate 'the human
experience' (whatever the heck that's supposed to be) is just a pursuit of the ego. Us making fanciful lavish statements about life and our perspective on it just to give ourselves a sense of self-worth that we don't deserve.

Some days where i feel like there's some kinda hypertension in the air that everyone is completely unaware of. Most of the time i wonder... whether reading metaphor and symbolism into the mundane is all it takes to drive us insane.

It's working pretty well on me so far.

Touching on other things, women have a habit of over talking so much so that they ask a question and allow only a micro second to answer, and if you don't answer within that time... they continue to talk and cut you off even if you start answering.

Women at times ask a question, but before they let you answer it, they answer it for you.

Isn't that annoying?

Is it just me or what..its jokes.

Enough women do it in my family and i've come across others that have done it too.

I think i know the difference between a rhetorical question and a real one yet they always answer it even if its for an opinon. It's like...

sis- what do you think of this, would it look good there?
me- umm (gets cut off)
sis - ahh actually i like it here... goes well in that corner. So what do you think?
me - well (gets cut off)
sis - ok... i've made up my mind. Its nice here.

Once i accidentally dialled a wrong number and a women answered it.

Woman: Hello?!
Me : Can i sp...
Woman : Yes?!
Me : Is ..?
Women : Yes ?!
Me : Umm...
Woman : Yes?!
Me : ....
Woman : Yes?! ... Yes?! .... YES??!!

I had one today with my mom.My mom was buying some flowers and was asking me which one's are nice, i learnt its best to answer in a way that you can't be asked again.

Mom: Are these flowers nice?
Me: Mom, you're the expert.

Later on, i started to give my opinion but my mom would disregard it and carry on. So in the end my mom was like...

Mom: Do you think i should get the other one's?
Me: Whatever one's i tell you to get, you are just going to get the one's you like anyway.

Mothers, you gotta love 'em.

may we all live in interesting times

2008-02-22T11:19:00.000-08:00

Hello ladies.

Have you ever stopped to read the comments on YouTube? Some of them are pretty hilarious.

I was watching this coke bomb video and an argument started among the brits and american members. This is just one of the comments:

For example, if Fox or CNN decided to do a report on "2 + 2 = 5 " , most Americans would instantly agree. If Bush says "Iraq has wmds" all americans instantly agree, and if I told an American guy on the bus his name was David Beckham, he would agree.

The David Beckham bit made me lol.

Some guy posted a strange/funny video under a fake title of a cartoon. People were mad. Here are the comments (the politer ones anyway):

Person A: Why are there so many freaks on YouTube?
Person B: cause freaks are somehow able to afford computers
Person C: Because a freak's computer is his only friend?

and another comment on the same video: Oh ur a jew.....

A Britney vid:

reminds me of those fairy tales where a girl makes a wish, the wish is granted, and she realizes it's not what she really wantsfame and money will not make you happy. Love and Drugs will.

From an anti-smoking video:

"all smokers will die, and if it were legal i would hunt you down and kill you myself."

"I don't smoke anymore so now I'm acceptable within society. Now I just drink alcohol, take drugs and I cheat and lie. Society sais that's fine as long as I don't smoke."

"oh yeah you look really cool with a a fat tumor dangling from your throat=D good luck with your cancer stick .. my best wishes to all of you who smoke.=)

"And another one with a lady with oral cancer from smoking:"what the hell did she smoke? antrax?"

"I think I dated her once "

Good stuff really. I had a good laugh.

Girls with hair on their back... that's messed up.

2008-02-09T13:05:00.000-08:00

Hullabaloney in my pants

2008-01-28T05:51:00.000-08:00

The trip was AWE-SOME in every sense of the word. So AWE-SOME that we are already planning to go backpacking in Turkey sometime next year for two weeks. Kebabs galore and tonnes of sheesha awaits...not to forget belly dancers. *a very wide grin*

I have loads of peekchures...but i'm pretty tight on time with work and other stuff. So the peekchures will probably be up by the weekend.

Armed with my peanut butter, i am ready to take on the world.

2007-12-03T21:31:00.000-08:00

I was asking Amir earlier today...''so what did you write in your leave application form for the Thailand trip?''

Amir: Sex Trips...you, dude?
Me: I wrote...*pauses dramatically* romantic getaway with my gay buddies.
Amir: *Gasps*

Dude, can i borrow your boxer shorts? The one with the polka dots?

2007-12-01T04:26:00.000-08:00

No.

I am not having a writer's block.

It's just that i needed to take some time off blogging to rest my messed up wrist which got sprained a few weeks back after a bad fall while skateboarding and do some much needed reflection on my life. Such as why the heck is my iman at times going up and down like the stock market?

Yeah, i can feel it flunctuating, one day i'm praying 5 times and the next day 4. Its awesome like that.

However, i am looking forward to my Krabi/ Bangkok trip in January which promises to be fricking funballs. Oh well, initially it was supposed to be something like a skate trip but since on the good old doctor's instructions to lay off skateboarding for at least 2 months, we decided to forego it.

We'll be taking off on the 3rd of January on a thursday night departing at 2015hrs. In Krabi, we'll be staying at the Srisuksant Resort Hotel at Ao Nang Beach which looks pretty neat and affordable at that considering our budget.

We'll be in Krabi for 3 days till sunday after which we will be taking a bus from Krabi Bus Station to Surat Thani Railway station to take a train to the Hualamphong Station in Bangkok. The train ride will take at least 8 hrs so we plan to take the train ride at night after 9pm if there is one so that we will be able to reach Bangkok on monday morning.

Upon arriving in Bangkok, we'll be staying at the Baiyoke Suite Hotel which is in the Pratunam area. All the big shopping malls are nearby and so is the sky-train plus the cost of staying in the hotel is cheap.

According to one of my buddies, when one is in bangkok, one has to check out the local music scene there. He told me to check out the Immortal Bar at Khao San Road where local bands there play indie, hardcore, punk, screamo...you name it. Apparently, he said he had a blast moshing with the locals at a gig there.

Our flight back to SG will be on the 9th of january. Hopefully, we will enjoy the trip fuckloads and have a blast.

I moshed with my grandma. is she cool or what?

2007-10-14T14:17:00.000-07:00

Holy Smackeroos.

I take an extended break & people are crying over my lack of updates & whining that I didn't wish a Ramadan Kareem or whatever. Lame. Initially, i wanted to purposely wait until the last 10 days so i can still get in a Ramadan Kareem in there & at the same time get an early Eid Mubarak.

You like that eh? 10 days early.

I would have been awesome like that. So when your kids ask you who the first person was to wish an Eid Mubarak for Aidilfitri of 1428 you can all say "Well son/daughter, it was HARDI. He was kind enough to do that & he's awesome."

But apparently it didn't happen & the sad part is i wouldn't put it past some of you to actually have that conversation. *sigh*

Ramadan was rejunevating for me & i'm already missing it.

A few days before Eid, i was reading the papers when i came across an artcle about islamic scholars belonging to two very different political parties in Indonesia being unable to reach a concensus on which day eid will fall on.

You see when we celebrate eid depends on the sighting of the moon.

I don't really blame them for not being able to come to an agreement… sometimes the problem arises from bizarre moon-watchers claiming they saw some “moon-like” object. Celebrating Eid on different days may not seem “united”, but it inevitably always happens every year.

Why is this? Because sometimes people think they see the moon but it’s not really a moon.

I will attempt to dissect this Moon Mystery by analyzing the “What ifs”

WHAT IF... IT WAS A BIRD?

Probably the most common of moon-sighting problems... these winged creatures often get mistaken as a "moon" because of the "moon-like" pattern the birds fly in. To some people, "flying-in-moon-like-pattern" is basically just as good as the "moon". Flip.

WHAT IF... IT WAS A PLANE?

The mechanical version of the bird, planes are often mistaken because of the flashy lights that appear on the side of it. The moon has blinking flashing lights and moves across the horizon in three minutes as well which is why I’m sure the mistake occurs all the time.

Moons tend to have wings and say "Tiger Airways" or "British Airways" written at the side of it as well. How can Eid NOT be tomorrow when the moon has flown across the horizon several times during the evening? Flip.

WHAT IF... IT WAS AN ELEPHANT?

This actually only raises more questions. It could have been a cow or superman for all we know.

Eh... I guess that settles it.

Pops said emo is like punk's retarded cousin or something.

2007-08-26T21:49:00.000-07:00

I think skateboarding gave me some sort of weird disease or something. Its just whenever i'm around my favorite local skaters whom i look up to. I get this uncontrollable urge to touch them.

Not like in an i'm-totally-weird-kinda-way, but just in an i-just-want-to-touch-you-real-quick-kinda-way. I just might have a mental touching disease or something.

Its like when i saw Man Toyol at the Black Sondol Skate Contest. I was walking by when he just landed a trick, i went up to him and gave his arm a little squeeze (but only for a second or two) and then walked away.

I didn't say anything and don't even know if he turned around, but i just had to put my hand on him. After my encounter, i sat there and stared at my hand for like ten minutes thinking, ''This hand touched the dude who front boarded Marina Square and one of the dudes who started the skate scene here in SG.''

I've been touching pros for like two years now, so i've got a good list going.

I poked Chief and Hamdan in the arm. Patted Erik, Tikos and Fairuz Yot. And even got to high-five Ayin Current once. Hopefully the pros won't think i've lost my marbles or something. I just want to be down with them.

My little problem could be one of two things thou: I've either plain lost it or i'm just an amateur at fanning out.

However, as long as i'm not lurking outside of these pros' homes or building pro-worshipper shrines in my room. It should be all good.

Rock Against Bush & Random Farting On Trains

2007-08-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

I recently thought about how to kill zombies by spraying them with pheromones so they would make out and devour each other

Hmm...*rubs chin*

My theory is the reason why i think about zombies so much is because i see much of them around me.

Most people are ''zombie-like'' as in lives have very little meaning: work, school, home, television, computer, eat, sleep, shit, reproduce, toilet and then the cycle just repeats itself from square-one. So in essence, their lives are empty and no matter how much material goods they amass, none of them will be happy.

This is what characterizes a lot of people these days unfortunately...so, in effect, they are like zombies because their souls have little connection with their creator or with anything wholesome.

So there's this book by Max Brooks called "World War X." The book makes Israel one of the world's saviors, for some reason Muslim countries decide to nuke one another, and the title is really crappy.

HOWEVER, the book describes how slow-moving, dumb zombies could actually take over the world. Some of the ideas in the book are really creative, like what effect modern weapons would have on zombies and what zombies could do underwater.

The book is also written as an oral history, which also gives it some serious straight up appeal. The writing is really good and the characters are like super-interesting. And since it's an oral history, it is actually a series of small stories with a unified theme and direction.

Another major plus: swearing and sex are at a minimum in this book.I'm actually a little embarassed to have read and enjoyed it so much, but World War X by Max Brooks really opened my eyes to the realities of zombie warfare.

Last thoughts, can zombies enter Makkah or Madinah?

Let's give one last shot and skate to the moon and back.

2007-08-09T22:24:00.000-07:00

I realised the blog has been pretty much neglected...it needs immediate resuscitation.

Other then that, my bangkok trip in november is good to go. Airline tix has been purchased and found out some spots to skate in bangkok from a few mates.

First skate spot: Red Bull Skate Park on Satorn Rd

Second: Seacon Square, a huge mall on Sri Nakarin Rd.

Wicked!

Earlier on monday, i was feeling absolutely shagged at work hence i skipped lunch and took a quick nap asking my colleague to wake me up at 2pm. And this is the following event that happened...uh...when my colleague tried to wake me up.

Colleague: *waking me up with a gentle shove* dude, wake up.

Hardi: alright, what's the name of the school?

Colleague: wake up (a little louder)

Hardi: just tell me the name of the school

Colleague: *whacks me on the shoulder* GET UP!

Hardi: WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE GOD DAMN SCHOOL???

Freaked Out Colleague: What the hell!

Stuffs like this happens often when i lack sleep big time. Pretty intense and insane moment.

That aside, i posed myself a rather interesting question. In fact, i myself have slipped into hours of deep reflection and introspection regarding this matter.

I mean, think about it. What is an Imam supposed to do if he passes gas while he's leading the prayers? Technically, he's supposed to redo his wudu afterwards and lead another makeup prayer in his newly-cleansed state.

What if he stopped in the middle, though? Could you imagine the chaos that would ensue? Is someone supposed to boldly leap into the Imam's vacant, odoriferous spot and lead the prayers?

And what if no one steps up to the challenge? Does everyone just pause and wait for the Imam to return from performing wudu? And what if no one catches on to the fact that the Imam broke wind once he stops and leaves?

Confusion would pollute the prayers as everyone would think that the Imam simply quit and left. Utter chaos i tell you. *gasps daramatically*

This blog has now received its much needed resuscitation.

I am a god-damn sailor

2007-07-20T22:46:00.000-07:00

What if...skateboards are actually Autobots in disguise?

The kid on the the bike could be Megan Fox in Transformers. In which, she was an absolute firecracker. She rocks my boxer shorts.

I don't really blame the car for overheating. She's smoking hot. Period. And so among other things...

You ever get those scratch attacks? Where you just got this HUGE itch and it pisses you off? That happened to me the other day on my head while i was at Kinokinuya bookstore at Takashimaya.

I figured it was due to my gel which was causing my hair to scream. So off to the toilet i went to wash some of it out.

As i walked into the toilet i noticed it was empty with the exception of a guy who was standing towards the wall, his back facing me. He appeared to be writing something on paper on top of the towel dispenser. I found such a thing weird but i kept to myself.

I'm not really a big fan of conversations in the toilet. I simply walked over to the sink and started sprinkling some water on my hands. No need to gush out the water you know?

Just a few dabs of water should do the trick in getting rid of the gel. And it worked. My head felt normal once again and i could actually FEEL the gel loosening its grip on my hair. Gross.

As i walked out off the toilet and back towards the bookstore i noticed the guy sort of said something. I disregarded it and simply continued walking.

After a few minutes browsing through some graphic novels, i started walking up the aisle when i noticed a guy walking towards me... he looked like he had something to say. The guy was about 50 or so and he sort of waved his hand to get my attention. I walked over towards him and asked him what's the matter

He paused and said "You know! You should wash your hands after coming out of the toilet!" and he turned and walked away. I was baffled. Then it clicked in.

THE GUY WRITING STUFF ON THE TOWEL DISPENSER. It was him.

The problem was that he said this quite loudly and the people at the bookstore sort of looked over at me and they were disgusted. When people wrongfully accuse me of being a filthy slob in public it sort of irks me. So I chased down the guy.

"HEY!" I shouted as i walked after him. He at first gave me this pity wave like "Yeah whatever". But i pressed on... my image was on the line."I didn't use the toilet!" I said.The man looked over at me and raised his eyebrow. "I think i got the wrong person"

Damn skippy. Although i admire the guy for chasing down people and telling them to wash their hands. A lot of people need that. Especially guys. I have no idea how people can think of not washing their hands and go off eating lunch with the same unwashed hands.

Nasty.

If you're going to chase down people and yell at them for not washing hands then make sure the person USED the facilities first. Sheesh.

what do you mean no mohawks at the office?

2007-07-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

Wham bam!

Woah...

Have you ever had to experience your siblings getting more religious? You suddenly see your brother with a foot-long beard. You find your sister, fixing a pink tudung on her head, in front of the bathroom mirror.

Ok, hold on. REWIND!

This is a ginormous change. I mean, forgive me for the portmanteau, but my home has just been invaded by a Dumbledore look-alike and a ninja! I feel so unholy. So strange. I don’t know how to act to this change.

That was me a while ago.

Now i’ve realized that there are things you should NEVER EVER (and i mean never ever) do in this type of situation. They are:

1) Do not tell your tudung wearing sister that the cute guy at the bus stop will now never like her. Big time.

2) Do not tell her it was useless getting the same hair cut as Hillary Duff because no one can see her hair under that tudung.

3) Do not tell your parents, as some form of practical joke, that your brother is joining Jemaah Islamiyah.

4) Do not try and compliment your brother by saying that his beard looks ‘cute and fluffy’.

5) Do not ask them if they’re feeling ‘hot in there’. Not even if you're that rapper, Nelly.

6) Never attempt to dye your brother’s beard green while he’s asleep, thinking it may become a wee bit cooler.

7) Do not enroll your sister for ninja training in Japan.

Experience man, experience!

hold your horses and save the whales, you bozos!

2007-07-01T10:22:00.000-07:00

Boy oh boy...

The brits didn't really see it coming didn't they?

Of course it's in the interests of both the media & governemnt to hype these incidents up out of all proportion, which they do without fail. The screaming media is hyping everything up and scaring the shit out of the masses.

They've made more fuss about a couple of bombs that didn't go off than they made of all the ones that did go off in London during 7/7.

Heck, this is nothing compared to what is going on in Gaza or Baghdad.

How many people are killed, raped, assaulted, mugged, abused, happy slapped, road raged every year in London. People should be far more afraid of these daily happenings than the odd car bomb every few years. Especially ones that didn't even go off.

Statistically, you are much more likely to be killed by a car that's being driven without a bomb in it than by one that's parked with a bomb.

The brits should feel totally safe in the knowlege that these so-called 'terrorists' are so amateurish. Gas canisters and gasoline! What next? Fireworks?

I feel more threatened doing ollies and kickflips on my skateboard and falling off it than car bombs that fail to blow up.

Maybe the ''terrorists '' should consider blowing up balloons instead.

Blowing up balloons are fun.

i just found out that all my heroes are parasites

2007-06-27T22:21:00.000-07:00

Dawn.

The call to prayer goes off as i lumber myself off to the bathroom like a rotting zombie. Usually i'd just stand real close to the bathroom door to terrify my dad of my horrible morning face. Its what gets me laughing, but today, i am just too tired.

Then comes wudhu along with its famous ice cold water, like just any other Yugoslavia morning. Frozen and chilled to the bone, a feeling of weariness takes over me as i laid out the prayer mat. Prayed as fast as I could.

The last chapter of this dawn begins: the dua. Unfortunately, as I was asking for Allah's mercy, I got some of my bad breath bouncing off my hand and going into my nostril instead. This struck me like a fist in the face, like an ice cube on fire, like a salt in the wound. Man, i hated that smell.

And so I thought to myself, if i wouldnt dare talking to people in public with the breath, how dare I talk to my Creator with this llama breath.

So i told myself to make it a point to start brushing my teeth before every prayer, not only just for Subuh prayer.

Abu Malik Ash’ari related that Rasulullah (saw) said: Cleanliness is half of the religion.

[Sahih Muslim]

‘Aishah related that Rasulullah (saw) said: The toothstick purifies the mouth, and pleases Allah.

[Sahih Bukhari]

Abu Hurairah related that Rasulullah (saw) said: If I did not find it difficult for my followers, I would have ordered them to clean their teeth with Miswak for every Salat.

[Sahih Bukhari & Muslim]

Indeed what the Prophet (saw) said was true, it is difficult. But, as the cliche Islamic statement goes, the greater the struggle, the greater reward one would get.

Look, i say whether you have miswak or not, i would still prefer and recommend you use toothbrushes and Colgate instead of the Miswak. Why? The Miswak, it was the best instrument to clean the mouth with at that time and age.

Right now, the best instrument is the toothbrush.

So brush your teeth before every solat! ( if i was a Muslim dentist i'd say that to my patients)

FADED SUPERHEROES HOLD MEETINGS IN BLACKHOLES

2007-06-22T22:38:00.000-07:00

And so last night, with a click of the send button, i sent my reply to my cousin who is in a sticky situation...tongue in cheek of course.

Sawaaaadeeeekaappppp!!!

Dude, i like how you slipped the "by the way I watch it too" in there. Remind me not to shake your hand!!!!!!!!! I'm pretty sure that your friend knows its Haram but he just needs some extra guilt to slap him silly. Here's my suggestion:

You make your own porn movie. Only it's not really a porn movie because right when the actors are about to get their hanky panky on they say "Hey, you know what? This sucks. Let's become Muslim"

And so they embrace Islam and the porno duo spread dakwah throughout the entire "porn video" by going to porn addicts and telling them why its Haram. Porn addicts usually look up to porn actors so hopefully this celebrity endorsement works.

Finally, you end the video with a surprise twist ending by having a special interview with your friend's mom who says "My son, please stop watching porn. It's disgusting and i hate it" to which she ends the video with a thumbs down.

Save the movie as bestpornever.mpg and leave it on his desktop. If that doesn't stop his porno tendencies i don't know what will.

Peace out.

Oh well, i woke up the next morning only to find an sms from him which read...

You moron. I would love to kick your arse all the way to bangkok if i could. But then. you're still my cousin and i love you for that.

Seriously, he could really kick my arse if he wanted to...but then bangkok is way too far out...buangkok should be more convenient.

P.S. JENIFFER LOVE HEWITT IS SUCHA DOLL. *swoons*

Yeah whatever. Britney Spears got married to her dancer husband.Does she know i even exist? No.

2007-06-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

I received a pretty disturbing e-mail from my cousin who's studying at NTU. I shudder at the very thought of me being in my cousin's shoes.

SALAAAAM!!!!!!!!!!

Bro, you have got to help me! I live in residence with this guy who happens to be muslim and sometimes at night, i see him watching porn on his lappie. He thinks i'm asleep but no!!! I'm awake!!!!! Its a small room too so its kinda nasty knowing how close he is to me. Its disgusting and he has gigs upon gigs of pornography!! And not just haram porn but like REALLY REALLY haram porn! And sometimes when he's gone i watch it too but astagfirullah i shouldnt!!! How do i tell him without offending him?

Najib

My first thoughts upon reading the e-mail was ''Holy crap!!! You have got to be f***ing kidding me!!!

I'm thinking up of a reply...but somehow, nothing is coming up.

PORN = NASTY

KILL THE ROCKSTAR, SAVE THE PRESIDENT AND BE MERRY

2007-06-14T22:14:00.000-07:00

In all seriousness...i hereby declare that i am a 24 year old virgin.

Not only am i not ashamed of it but also i have confidence in knowing i've had as much control of my sexuality as a 24 year old can in this day and age.

I'm not afraid to talk about sex because i'm not afraid of it. I have confronted it, we had a nice chat and i told it to bugger off for now, it's not the right time for me.

Sex is natural, spiritual and we have guidelines to use it in a personally, morally and socially responsible way. It is a priviliage, not a right. A privilage to married couples in monogomous relationships...

So anyways... i was on the train to work and since i didn't have my iPod shuffle with me, i like to try and either clear my head of all thoughts or think up acceptence speeches or sometimes i think of academicish stuff...

Then...bang! Virginity popped in my head from nowhere.

Virginity... usually brings up thought of wifeliness... there is that common phrase 'virgin bride' and by all means i think it's a good thing. but when was the last time someone took the time to think about virgin grooms?

I mean considering the accessibility to sex for young males here in SG and that more and more are doing it , I start to wonder... how many just won't admit they have had sex?

How important is it to the female that the guy be a virgin?

I mean it's not like you can prove or disprove a guy is a virgin... there is a greater and greater assumption that guys should have sex... and it does bug me from time to time.

Sex isn't important enough to be respected, but it's important enough to be had and in massive quantities... kinda like the ladies it's had with...

Hmm... do the ladies even appreciate that we go out of our way (which we actually have to sometimes ) to avoid sex, sexiness and sexificationocity?

It's so abundant these days that i'm suprised i don't fall into a pile of naked people when i'm surfing the internet avoiding all the porno ads... i mean really it's friggin everywhere and it's actually getting annoying... i mean heck!

I was even hit on by a gay guy once at Somerset ... i don't swing that way, but i'm sure i'm not the only guy to have that happen.

How important is a virgin groom? What's the value on my virginity? Do we realize how much we avoid sex to stay virgins?

I'm sure the better muslims out there don't think about sex enough to see it that way, to them it's just part of being good... for others who aren't on the straightest and narrowest paths, it's like being on the phone with a telemarketer...

I'll leave it here for now as my thoughts were never really fully formed.

P.S. No, i really don't know how that telemarketer analogy fits...

I'm under 45 years old & i am not really Yugoslavian

2007-06-11T21:15:00.000-07:00

How often do you hear yourself say, “i’m depressed”, “i feel down” or even “i am one depressed dude” (which may be followed by some serious head-banging). I’m going to generalise and say, we all do it quite often. I mean, i hear it ALL the time! From friends, family, colleagues, my brain, random people on the street….everywhere really. This could be a result of one of two things. Either the entire human race is suffering from depression, or in fact we tend to be overdramatic and misuse the word.

*flips open a dictionary*

According to a random dictionary, depression is ….sadness, gloom, emotional dejection, despair, pessimism… so is someone really going to argue that we ALL suffer from depression like ALL the time? Nah...i don’t think so. Let us ponder for a moment as to why we think we may be depressed…hmm ok i’m done pondering, I’ll tell you why. This may shock/offend you…but it’s a fact. We are ungrateful. Yup, that’s it. A universal truth of mankind and it is the main contributory factor to our so-called “depression”.

We get dragged into this warped version of reality, in which material things take over our lives. Instead of “Subhanallah, Insya Allah, Masya Allah”, it’s the slightly selfish “Me, Me, Me”. We are forgetful creatures, us humans. Not the dope i can’t believe i forgot your anniversary thingy kind, but more like i’ve just managed to get out of this life threatening situation, so lets jump into a pool of flesh eating piranhas.

It takes less than a moment for us to forget what we have, and think about what we don’t have. Perhaps its society that has made us this way, but that doesn’t make it more acceptable. There are so many things that trigger our “depression”…like not achieving the grades we want, arguments with people, not being able to afford things we want, not being happy with the way we look, feeling life is unfair…if I tried to list everything i’d be sitting here for the next 50 posts i reckon. The pattern you may or may not have noticed by now is that our depression tends to be a result of general discontentment. It’s sad to think about.

The only way we can get out of this trap is by changing our attitude. This may not necessarily mean changing the glasses or contacts you wear, but more of your perception of the world. For example, if you get results for an exam and it turns out that you do worse than you hoped…the usual way to react would be to;

a) cry
b) get angry and curse yourself/examiner or
c) cry and then get angry and curse yourself/examiner.

But, instead of thinking…My life is over! My parents are going to kill me, or if they don’t i’ll do it myself! Being a Muslim means we need to handle the situation in a different way. Even with patience and tolerance perhaps. It’s not an ‘I get what I want or it’s the end of the world’ situation…but more of ‘I shall take this as an experience, lesson from God, a test if you may’. It’s not about the situations we get into, but more of how we deal with it.

It doesn’t even have to be a situation; in fact it could just be that you are unhappy about your nose or something. We do get depressed about things like that too and this issue is one we’ve all either had or have seen others have. I know it’s easier said…but when you look in the mirror and think ‘Woah dude! Like has that thing expanded!’ think again, as i’m sure it hasn’t.

We have to teach ourselves to say that wonderful word that we often forget… ‘Alhamdulillah’ Before thinking, before complaining, before we open our mouths to voice our depressions about our noses’…let us say ‘Alhamdulillah’. Is it not better to have a nose, and be able to smell the wonders of the aromas that come from the kitchen when your mum is cooking…or the scent of familiar things? So you have a big nose? You’ll get over it. It’s not something to get depressed about. If you want to see real depression i reckon you should go switch on a news channel…Paris Hilton getting jailed is depressing.

Just kidding.

how to eat ghosts after eating crystals

2007-06-03T10:28:00.000-07:00

Having my aunt's little kiddo at home last night was a blast. She's like my personal trained pet monkey. Went about teaching her the following skills:

1) Impersonate Cookie Monster.

2) Call everyone "Daddy" including her mom.

3) Spin around in a circle then be dizzy after.

4) How to poke people.

5) How to respond to EVERYTHING with an "insya Allah"

Man, the amount of useless crap i can teach her doubled when she learned how to walk. That said i'm pretty much in a bind.

The only thing that's stopping me from going is that i've got Hadith class on that very same night. Decisions, decisions, decisions...on whether to fill my friday night with a night of enjoyment or a night of blessed knowledge.

*tears hair out*

Climb over the wall to get a cab ride

2007-05-31T22:55:00.000-07:00

I hallucinated for the first time yesterday in many years (yeap, i'm ill) & these giant spiders were dropping from the sky & chasing me...freaky? No?

Well, not as freaky as the last hallucination that i had when i was having my maths exam in school... i kept on seeing my calculator floating in the air. Whenever i looked up, it kept on floating up & then landing back down again... somehow it always landed back when i needed it.

Caught up with some much needed reading & managed to finish a book.

I enjoyed every page. & i will not reveal the end of The End because surely you will have to read from the beginning to find out how The End truly ends otherwise you will not understand The End's the end.

If you have not done so already, indulge yourself in this series... more famously known as A Series of Unfortunate Events. It's about three orphans who keep getitng themselves into trouble because a certain villain named Count Olaf keeps trying screw them over.

I rarely laugh out loud reading a book but this is one of the few cases. Although The End was fairly serious, it still made me 'LOL' in a lot of places. So if you really want a fun read, i highly recommend this series.

So now that i'm done with a novel, i'm itching for a comic.

Love & rockets

2007-05-29T22:28:00.000-07:00

Geez...

I guess the tongue is something that we have to guard very carefully. Many people just talk & talk without realizing the dangers of it. Our mouth really sucks & can get us in a lot of trouble. Sheesh.

It was mentioned in a friend's blog that an ustazah in SG got detained at Changi Airport for saying out the word ''bomb''. She harmlessly said...''Beg saya berat macam ada bomb" which means ''My bag is heavy as though there is a bomb inside.''

Heck...they already treat us like crap in the airports so we have to be extra careful with our words.

Today's slang tells us that the word bomb is cool.

"Fall Out Boy is the bomb."

"This pen is the bomb."

"Taufik Batisah is the bomb."

The word BOMB should be avoided at airports at all cost. I mean it's fine and dandy from our perspective.

Our perspective:

Cute huh? Well look at ummm the other perspective.

Their perspective:

Do not use the word BOMB until our relationship with the non-Muslim folk get better. The day we stop being potrayed as terrorists in the movies is the day we can start using this word in airports. It shouldn't be long now.

In conclusion, your mouth could make you or break you. Make it the former. The latter sucks.

hyperventilated awesomeness goes swimming

2007-05-27T21:32:00.000-07:00

Sheesh.

Judging by the reactions of some sisters regarding the previous post...it seems like i have some explaining to do.

For those of you who don't know, in Canada early this year, an 11 year old Muslim girl was not allowed to play for her football team because the officials of the league felt the hijab/tudung was unsafe or something.

Perhaps if the hijab/tudung was on fire & burning everyone to a crisp or if it contained flesh-eating bacteria, they would have a point. But it's no more dangerous than the boots that the players wear. It's simply another piece of garment in their eyes.

So the previous post was based on this very incident...& perhaps takes a look at what WOULD happen if things were as bad as they say it is.

Better still...i've got the link to the real deal on what really happen.

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2007/02/25/hijab-soccer.html

Get reading people. Sheesh.

Mini-skirts, pom-poms & tudungs

2007-05-21T04:39:00.001-07:00

In breaking news...

At the Jalan Besar Stadium, four people have died in tudung-related choking incidents on the weekend during a football tournament organised by the Football Association of S'pore to promote religous harmonay between Madrasahs & secular schools.

"I knew this would happen," said P. Maniam Subramaniam, a senior referee in the Girls under 12 Football Tournament, "wasn't it a good idea to ban the tudung or what? I knew these kids would be dying left, right & centre if we let them wear it in the match."

Farah Al-Haddad has pleaded guilty on all accounts of manslaughter. "I didn't think my tudung was that deadly." Farah has agreed to spend the next 3 months in the Juvenile Rehabilatational Home for Girls to fix her murderous habits. "I deserve it i guess... getting killed on the field makes the game unfun for other girls."

Apparently during the tournament, Farah's tudung sprang to life & started smothering all the other players on the opposing team, choking four of them to death.

Farah Al-Haddad's father was also asked to shave his beard because the referee was worried that he could accidentally cut & disfigure other people's faces in the stands with his beard. "We also watch out for the safety of the fans as well," said Mr Maniam, "and I heard reports of people using their beards as knives to slash & stab people. It's completely unsafe."

Mr Al-Haddad complied with the referee. "I think in Singapore, things like religious freedom should be put away if it makes people uncomfortable. We need to make people feel safe of course because people with beards can be scary."

Having religious symbols banned for safety reasons isn't really exclusive to Singaporean Muslims. Last month, a Christian-based team called the Changi Village Crusaders were asked to stop praying before a match. "Apparently we could poke an eye out if we raise our hands in the air so we were asked to stop praying before the game. We now have lost 8 games in a row but that's okay... safety first."

save me from me, mr clown

2007-05-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

Honestly, not even me along with the whole flipping skateboarding community in SG could eat all that.

This has surely got to be from the final signs? Or am i being paranoid? *faints*

And so i met up with a good buddy of mine after work to get some new spitfire trucks for my ''regina''. ( i named my skateboard ''regina'' as i thought it sounded pretty )

And so we were talking about stuphph when...

Hardi: DUDE, what HAPPENED to your leg?

Good bud: I shaved it.

Hardi: Why would you do that?

Good bud: Well, i shaved the other one & i couldn't just walk around with one shaved leg.

Hardi: Flawless logic. I apologize, dude.

I have no idea & wouldn't understand if i asked him why he shaved his hairy legs. He's just fun to be around. I cannot predict him, understand him, or categorize him. But i can love him, so i do that. Brotherly love that is...

Last words, when i think of love. I think of Ribena. Its neither a lie nor an exaggeration.

Later.

This is where the burger raped the cow

2007-05-10T23:26:00.000-07:00

That zombie flick, 28 Weeks Later has somehow rather re-ignited my thoughts regarding zombies.

Let me be clear: i don't believe zombies are real nor am i scared of them. Nonetheless, i spend serious time every day thinking about them. I have never been more serious. It's completely true.

This zombie stuphph comes up right before i try & go to sleep, or while i politely try & listen to something i don't find interesting. Zombie thoughts are my in the fault lines of my mind's default to a fault.

I have this scenarios that keep cropping out from my brain stems...

1) You wake up in the morning & you're home sick from school. Your parents are at work. If you have siblings, they're at school. You look out your window & everything seems pretty good. Then, out of no where, in the middle of the road, you see a man running like the devil is on his heels. Soon your eyes see things in a totally different way. Small, but significant things are different. Your neighbour's newspaper is still on his porch & his door is open. A stroller is unattended & standing on the pavement. Do you assume a zombie attack?

2) You're studying in the library & all of a sudden things get too quiet. The librarian then walks down the aisle moaning as if experiencing orgasm & wild eyed, with her mouth blood-smeared. She turns & stares at you, then comes your way, arms outstretched. What do you do? Say hello?

3) Humanity is teetering on the edge of extinction because of zombies. You aren't sure if you & this other guy are all that represents humanity, but you think it's a pretty close call. The dude, who is a jerk but is also a Muslim, asks you to marry him in hopes of helping humankind persist. Do you marry him?

4) Is killing a zombie haram? Is it haram to devise methods to kill yourself while in a zombie state?

Last thoughts...can zombies be vegetarian?

Just like enchanted cows doing encores

2007-05-03T22:03:00.000-07:00

Right on, Einstein!

Einstein is awesomely cool.

To cool for school.

I feel pretty...oh so pretty..i feel pretty and witty and...full from caaaaaake!!!

I should stop talking, in here and to myself.

AND THE TELETUBBIES WENT TO WAR

2007-04-30T23:12:00.000-07:00

What is up with superstitions nowdays? Its dumb when especially Muslims starts getting superstitious. So dumb it gets on my tits at times. And when this superstitious Muslims are little kiddos, i can go dumb.

Over the weekend, my newly-wed cousin had this house-warming party. Kind of a family gathering. Plenty of good food. ( i like )

Things started getting weird after maghrib. An elegant & finger licking dinner was served & i dove right in, scarfing down a popiah.

This act, unfortunately, freaked out my aunt's sons, Haziq & Danish. They were i guess were just 5 & 7 years old respectively. I suck at remembering peoples ages. But Haziq & Danish do look like they are 5 & 7. And oh boy, they are pretty smart i tell ya...

Danish: STOP! Abang, did you say Bismillah before you ate that popiah?
Me: Err...no? I forgot. Sorry.
Danish: Now syaitan will spit on your food!
Me: What? That's pretty nasty.
Haziq: No abang hardi, when someone doesn't say Bismillah then syaitan will pee in your right ear!
Me: He pees in my ear? Why would he do that?
Haziq: That's how you get ear-wax!

That’s a bit extreme. I’m all for saying Bismillah before meals & i encourage everyone to start their meals with God’s name, but to use scare tactics like Syaitan spitting on your food is a bit too much.

I mean i hate Syaitan as much as the next guy but i don't think he will literally pee in my ear. There are many other places to pee. Besides, he actually pees in your ear if you neglect Subuh prayers.

NASTY.

Anyway, me thinks Haziq & Danish are rather cool. I wanna be like them when i grow up.

The fish ate the homework

2007-04-23T21:35:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling uber-lazy.

However, i do have a juicy tidbit to share.

Here's how to increase your iman & make your wudhu one of your sweetest acts of worship:

On the Day of Judgement, many people will be crying out of thirst on that day. The Prophet (saw) said that only my Ummah will drink from my well/river (i don't quite remember). The Sahabats (ra) then asked the Prophet (saw) how will he recognize his ummah for surely many people will come after him right?

The Prophet (saw) said they will have markings of sujud & wudhu. How cool is that!

So everytime you make wudhu, be proud & think to yourself, "This is how my Rasul (saw) will recognize me over all the other Ummahs!". This will thus encourage you to do your wudhu properly.

The Prophet (saw) also said that everytime you make wudhu, every drop, yes, every drop that touches the skin & falls onto the ground carries a sin with it. Just think of how many sins you're being forgiven just by making wudhu.

So never feel reluctant to use enough water in a cold morning for Subuh.

my hand smells like digested cow

2007-04-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

Salams.

Having to fork out $$$ just to buy skate products can really burn a hole in your pockets. Trust me, i know.

So come this saturday, i will be helping out Sherizan a.k.a sheikhster with the weekend sale which is organised by the local skateboarding community here in SG.

It will be held from 12pm till 9pm at No. 90 Tanjong Katong Rd (near City Plaza).

We will be selling Skate & also Surf Brand names like Adio, Mystery, Zero, Lakai, Santa Cruz, Volcom, Quiksilver & a whole lot more.

From T-shirts to shoes, decks, trucks, wheels, accesories & a whole lot more. You name it.

From what i heard, you could get great discounts from last season's products. I love discounts. Don't we all?

And yes, local band Plain Sunset will be opening for nofx come this Friday.

Awesome.

Directions for the w/end sale: From Paya Lebar MRT Station proceed to Eunos Road 8 opp S'pore Post Ctr & board either one of these bus numbers: 43, 76 or 135 & alight at the second stop in front of CDAC (after Lion City Hotel).

can the shoe be saved?

2007-04-14T00:47:00.000-07:00

On the train yesterday, i was crammed between a really big-sized woman & the rest of the big-sized woman.

No offence, but she really was enormous.

So enormous that i could have written a book about her.

When the train lurched off, i was seriously worried that i might trip & fall into her voluminous bosom & suffocate before the S'pore Civil Defence Force could even winch me out. Geez!

Can we eat gay people?

2007-04-12T20:58:00.000-07:00

Dearest blog,

I love my eyebrows.

Not for their shape or anything...but for their ability & strength.

I once lifted a school table with my eyebrows - true story.

it's hard to stop when there is no inter-pop

2007-04-06T22:50:00.000-07:00

Somehow, i found today's khutbah exceptionally BORING. It didn't really rock my socks & i nearly dozed off to dreamland. Its just the way that the khateeb read out the khutbah didn't make me sit up & listen in awe.

You see, jumaat is usually a time when i look forward to listen to an inspiring khutbah. Unfortunately, the khutbahs can range from outstanding to just plain "what-the-hell-was-that?".

I prefer those type of khateebs that read out khutbahs with fiery passion...those colourful types if you know what i mean. I've actually categorized the type of khateebs that i've listened to in my 24 years of existence on God's great green ball of flipping awesomeness.

The Broken English Khateeb

Once in a while in Singapore, khutbahs are delivered in English. Well, it's not really Arabic & it's not really English. Basically it's a bastardization of both languages. The only thing anyone will understand is the "Assalamualaikum" at the beginning & the occasional grunts & screams.

The Angry Khateeb

It appears this Khateeb woke up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning. Perhaps he stubbed his toe on the way to Jumaat prayers or he spilt coffee on his jubah?

Perhaps he entered the masjid with his left foot or couldn't find a parking space for his ride at the masjid. It is unknown what makes an angry khateeb so angry but it's most likely due to a sequence of regrettable events.

The angry khateeb also likes to point at things when giving his talk. Basically he'll point at random people in the crowd & proceed to scream at the top of his lungs.

Once he pointed at me & screamed that if i don't watch my wife too closely or if i commit adultery then i'll go to hell or something. Now i'm not married so my first reaction was to blush & i was flattered that he thought I was a married man.

Another quizzical thing about this was that i was only 15 years old when this incident happened.

The We-Suck-Today-But-Our-Past-Was-Awesome Khateeb

This is the standard Khateeb. He highlights obvious points about how today we are lacking & our past was awesome. No…better than awesome. Outstandingly astonishing.

But today we're in the pits. The Khateeb will go on & on about how much we suck & describe that the main reason we're going downhill is because of the West holding Islam down or something.

This Khateeb will also talk about how Muslims invented all sorts of gizmos & gadgets. It'll all start off with algebra & chemistry but it'll move on to other things like microwaves, automobiles, the wheel...i guess we invented the entire world & more.

The Khateeb will then finish off how we will one day take over Rome & Islam will be glorious as the conquest of Rome is one of the signs of the Day of Judgment. Obviously it'll happen but then people like me in the crowd just raise their eyebrows.

The We're-Not-Terrorists Khateeb

In case you forgot, this Khateeb will remind you that Islam is a peaceful religion & we aren't terrorists. I think we need reminders like this every other week because we have short-term memory.

Yeah... it sure is great to inspire our youth with people like this.

Laughing isn't Haram. Seriously.

2007-03-20T23:35:00.000-07:00

Tell me...

What's the one question in the world that we all know the answer to but insist on freaking asking it anyway?

I'm not going hardcore here...

But the question is "As a Muslim, can i go clubbing?" usually gets asked about oh, let's say 5000 times a week or something. Most ustazs have developed a standardized reply.

They sound like this:

Confused Muslim student: Ustaz, can i go clubbing?

Ustaz: No.

Confused Muslim student: But...

Ustaz: Clubbing is Haram.

Confused Muslim student: But...

Ustaz: If you go, you'll be Haram

Confused Muslim student: But...

Ustaz: Don't be Haram.

Confused Muslim student: But...

Ustaz: Shut up. Go pray.

I'm not here to give you a scholarly opinion. That's not my job. I'm here to tell you why clubbing are for people who don't really have much spunk in their lives which is why you shouldn't go. If you have an ounce of coolness in you you'd stay away from clubbing just as i did.

"But Hardi, isn't going clubbing the most amazing thing ever? Oh my gyad it's like the kewlest thing ever invented."

Yeah… i am sure its "kewl". But it's only cool for morons who have nothing else to do in their lives.

Exactly what's so amazing about it? Hell, i don't even know. Clubbing isn't that magical. And if they were then it'd be super Haram because black magic is a no-no.

"But I just want to go clubbing & hang out with my friends la, Hardi. LOL!"

Yeah, i'm sure you will. You are just gonna be sitting in the corner on a crappy wooden chair while twiddling your thumbs & thinking to yourself, "Man, this is so much fun. I'm glad I spent 300 bucks on a shirt/dress that's getting wrinkled right now. I'm not here to impress anyone anyway but i'm sure people will think i'm cool, despite not being able to drink, dance, smoke, swear & all those other Haram activities."

If you go, friends will indirectly pressure you. What happens if they offer beer?

I mean if i were to go, what if i got hit on by a hot chick?

So the question is... what ISN'T Haram when clubbing? Hardly anything. Clubbing sucks. And you will suck for going.

What can you do instead? Go out with your friends & have a good time. Anything with your buddies is more fun than the craptacular clubbing. It's cheaper too. All your friends going clubbing? Then hang out with your mom. Moms are hilariously cool.

"But Hardi, all my friends pressure me to go. I HATE PEER PRESSURE. *screams*"

This one is easy. Do what i did... play off the whole "I'm-too-good-for-this-lame-clubbing" tactic.

"Yo Hardi, you going tonight?"

"Where to?"

"CLUB MOMO! OBVIOUSLY."

"Nah man. I'm busy."

"TOO BUSY? WHAT?"

"I know. I rock. Next time k?"

Making yourself look busy makes you appear cool & "above-the-system."

We're too good for this clubbing hooplah. Spend your time doing something cooler. I hear Jenga is amazing.

Mickey Mouse had King Kong for supper

2007-02-28T06:40:00.001-08:00

First up, i was actually messing around with my previous entry and no, i was not having an emotionally unstable moment at that time. So my heart-felt apologies if it offended anybody.

I had a bad start to the week on monday. In fact, i can even give you the good, the bad and the ugly that happened to me on monday.

The Good: I actually swore by Allah that i’ll become a better Muslim. No kidding!

You see, i woke up on monday morning and said to myself, "Boy, do i suck... i need to become a better Muslim." By Allah, i swore that i'd become a better Muslim.

Praying all the prayers!

No swearing!

No more looking at girls!

No random murdering!

This is it!

Going clean.

The Bad: I didn't really fulfill that oath.

Unfortunately, a tactic of that pesky Devil ( i hate him) is to overburden myself so i'd fail my goals and feel depressed.

Unfortunately, i don't take the fact that i failed in acheiving my goals too well...

The Ugly: I just swore. Period

I let off a flurry of curse words at my failure. Nearly every curse word in the dictionary was uttered. Biggest swear-fest in history.

And also, i received a forwarded sms which said...

"Israel has sent 60 000 troops into Lebanon. Please read Surah Al-Fath Ayat 35 for Hizbollah. Please spread this message to others."

Yet Surah Al-Fath only has 29 Ayats. Man, what a joke.

2007-02-24T20:27:00.000-08:00

Today, i did nothing productive. And then i wrote this blog, which i don't expect anyone to read. But if you are reading it, then keep reading cause i got stuff to tell you.

Actually, i don't believe in blogs. They're like the matrix, a cooler metaphor of how life really is. Thats it, people are not themselves when they write blogs. If they are, then their recall of life would pretty much be like this:

...I slept for 3 hours
...Went to the bathroom
...I brushed my teeth
...I went to school
...I actually achieved nothing today

But usually, what you see is:

...Oh, the spilling of blood over inhumane causes has made me felt so alone
....How this cruelty of the novelty of this twisted reality has guided me into insanity
....As i stared to the blankness of the starry skies, it reminded me of the sufferings of this world.

You know what, they're all crap. Especially those who sounds all depressed and shit. I mean, if you're depressed, go pull the trigger or something... stop acting like a girly man and write it in your digital diary... boo hoo.

I guess blogging does help people to express themselves in which they aren't given the opportunity to do.. (what the crap?)

Well...

example...

there's no friggin way anyone would listen to me spit this load of crap in real life, but in blogs.. yeah i can do this and its cool...

So to those thinking that they wanna start blogging, its good actually if you:

a) Have all the time in the world
b) Do not have a screwed up perspective on life
c) Trying to impress someone who'd actually read your blog but don't know that you know that they read your blog

So until next time...
I wish you all the best...
Coming posts will be on my theories of life...
I hate it when i'm always right, but i'm not. So that's why i don't hate but love...
Basically, as screwed up as i may be, your life sucks more... trust me, i know...

Superman doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the earth down.

2007-02-17T22:20:00.000-08:00

Since most single Muslim guys don't receive anything on Valentine's Day. I decided to give a gift for everyone today myself.

A belated Valentine's present that is. A look at bizzare behaviour by guys. That's right! I am not picking on girls for a change! See!

One thing, i notice is that there are a lot of guys that are so freaking creepy that they freak out a girl senseless. (exclude me)

I'm talking about those REALLY creepy ones. The ones that keep you up late at night. Just like "Ehw, that dude just winked at me & licked his lips" sort of creepy.

You see we guys sort of sinned if we take a lustful second look at girls. This is why most guys play it safe & make one really, really, really long first look. First look is free i suppose.

This is prollie the most creepiest one because whenever someone is staring at you, you sort of look away but you can still 'feel' the stare.

It's pretty gross. A good tactic to get rid of the staring problem is to wear bright colours and/or a shiny tudung.

Every once in awhile i will walk by a tudung-clad girl & shield my eyes. This is not because she is extraordinarily ugly or anything....its because her tudung is so ridiculously shiny.

So shiny that maybe i should start wearing goggles. It is like staring at the sun.

You just have to cover your eyes because her tudung emanates such blinding shininess.

But hey, that's not a bad thing. Whatever rocks her socks i guess.

Shiny tudungs are a weapon actually because guys look away. It is a good away to force them to 'lower their gaze' when looking at the opposite sex.

Don't guys do the cutest things?

i hearts open houses swoons

2007-02-10T15:33:00.000-08:00

I guess some masjids are heading in the right direction in terms of the activities they come up with. The masjid nearest my house for example holds an annual Open House for non-Muslims & they invite church groups to come to the masjid & learn a little bit about Islam. It is all about dialogue & whatnot.

However sometimes i can't help but think that there ought to be some form of miscommunication or misunderstanding between the two faiths that is sure to arise when those Open Houses are held.

This is a few that i could think of & please i'm trying hard not to make fun of the inter-faith cohesion that our country is trying to build. Ok go!

Crazy Pakcik Who Didn't Know It Was Open House Day

Imagine just some random masjid goer who happened to forget it was the masjid's Open House Day? He'll be in shock to see non-Muslims all over the place. He'll think they were invading or something.

Like you can imagine this crazy pakcik stepping fresh off the wuduk area, drenched in water & still comprehending the fact that the parking lot was full outside when normally there are only two cars for Zuhur.

Well, seeing the main prayer hall filled with Non-Muslim women won't really whet his appetite. That is, non-Muslim women who might be wearing a hijab out of respect for the Muslims there but still be wearing tanktops & miniskirts.

Hey, it is the thought that counts but the
crazy pakcik sees otherwise.

"THIS IS THE HOUSE OF ALLAH'' shouts the crazy pakcik.
'' Hello...i am nancy'' replies one of the female visitors as she sticks out her hand.
''ASTAGFIRULLAH!!!'' replies the crazy pakcik.

Then you know what? That same crazy pakcik will then run out of the masjid to see if he actually is inside the right building. Flip man! Ok next...

Do you mind if I pray with you guys?

What a recipe for disaster. It is nice that non-Muslims want to ''experience'' the prayer but things like this could get extremely awkward.

Like I always imagine having this oblivious non-Muslim guy ''pray'' beside me while in full congregation with everyone. He will be constantly looking over at me in middle of prayer. Time to time he will ask me questions.

''So have I got it right?''
''It is the right hand over left hand right?''
''Are they placed on the belly button or below?''
''Hello?''
''Oh dear, i must say you are not the talkative type.''

He will also make strange comments throughout the prayer.
During Rukuk [the part where we bow down]: ''I can touch my toes...can you?''
During Sujud #1 [the part when our head is on the ground]: ''Man, this carpet smells.''
During Sujud #2 [same as above, only second time]: ''Did I mention this carpet smells''
During Tahiyatul akhir Position [part where we are sitting]: ''What on earth are you doing with your finger?''
During Salam [part where we end prayer & turn our heads]: ''Hi there, miss me?''

Flip man!

All you people are vampires.

2007-02-08T22:52:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the bare bones all.I hope to get some things cranked out in the weekend, insya Allah.

The stock-take at my warehouse is done & over with so i'm a little more relaxed now.

I hope to post up some notes from my Fiqh class this weekend, insya Allah.

I hope to post some entries this weekend, insya Allah.

I hope to start blogging more regularly by next week, insya Allah, insya Allah, insya Allah.

This isn't those wussy insya Allahs.

This is the real thing i hope, insya Allah.

Anyway, Habib Umar Bin Hafiz, insya Allah will be arriving in S'pore on 20th february.I'm sure some will go...''who on earth is this Habib Umar dude?''

Habib Umar bin Hafiz is a descendant of the Prophet SAW through his grandson Imam Hussein. Wallahi, i swear Habib Umar is so another level.

Wherever Habib Umar has gone, no stone has been left unturned in his attempt to revive the love of Allah & His Messenger SAW.

As usual, i'm looking forward to his pearls of wisdom that will be pouring into our hearts & hopefully benefit from it.

Below are the series of talks by Habib Umar bin Hafiz. Any changes will be updated.

20 / 02/ 2007 - Masjid Al-Ansar at bedok north (mawlid after maghrib) talk is after Isyak.

21/ 02/ 2007 - Masjid Kassim at Changi Road (Short lecture) at maghrib & after Isyak at Masjid Al-Istigfar at Pasir Ris (talk).

22/ 02/ 2007 - Masjid Al-Mukminin at Jurong East (Short lecture) after Zuhur & after Isyak at Masjid Ba'alawi (This include reading the famous Ratib al attas).

23 / 02/ 2007 - Masjid Abdul Aleem Siddique after Isyak (There will be a Qasida Burdah session after Maghrib)

Karma eats poo

2007-01-28T20:46:00.000-08:00

Here's some solid stuph that i found on YouTube which i decided to put up here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fka3Lu_pr0

Basically, its about this video blog done by a Muslim convert whose name is Bro Ali. Watch it because it serves really as a reminder as to us who have forgotten.

And here's another video that gave me an idea about what to write for my next entry. It's a pretty short video but wickedly funny for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueGo0-1ofiM

Anyway, lets not forget the blessings & excellence of fasting on the 10th of Muharram which is tomorrow, that is Hari Asyurah for which the reward is well known - not just following the Sunnah of our Prophet SAW but also getting a year's sins wiped out for free too. Quality!

I Think About Zombies All the Time, Seriously

2007-01-21T22:52:00.000-08:00

Greetings to all the hot and non-hot people.

People who know me say i walk like the living dead...

Every day i think about zombies. When i am in bed, it keeps me up an extra hour.

When i am in an unfamiliar building, i am always searching for ways out of the building in case zombies attack.

I have planned at least five exit strategies from my house to go look for food and weapons for my family in case of a zombie attack.

I consider questions like

''If my mother was turned into a zombie, would I end her life?''

And...

''If any Muslim became a zombie, is it Islamically incorrect to kill that zombie?''

Let me be crystal clear:

I do not believe zombies are real nor am i scared of them. Nonetheless, i spend serious time every day thinking about them.

And in this past 5 mins...i am starting to think about vampires - scheming, deadly and devestatingly attractive.

Bring on the garlic, hardi.

P.S: Now, where is that Dawn of The Dead dvd that i want to watch again? Did a zombie just snatched it?

let's rock it with flip-flops

2007-01-13T08:58:00.000-08:00

Ever wondered...

What would your parents especially your pops say...to your future spouse?

If you're a guy...what do you think your future spouse's pops would ask you & are you prepared?

If you're a girl...what do you think your pops will ask your future spouse if he asked for your hand?

I guess my mom will do all the questioning on my behalf.

1. Can you shake your hips like Shakira?

2. Can you cook like me? (Mom's perspective)

3. If ever Hardi comes home late after a long evening with friends...do you...

a) shout at him & make him sleep on the sofa.
b) silent treatment.
c) welcome him home & make him a prata.

And if my future spouse's pops ever ask me this question.

"Give me one good reason why i should let you marry my daughter?"

Hmm...*thinks for a moment*

I'll say...

"It's because your daughter is precious & deserves nothing less than a man who will dedicate himself to her happiness & well being even if it means i have to sleep on the floor for the rest of my life to make her safe...i'll still do it."

But then at the end of the day what matters most is this question that i will ask my future wife.

"Babe, will you marry me?"

strange happenings!

2007-01-06T18:12:00.000-08:00

Refridgerators are weird ! Big time!

That is in particular for Hardi this past week. Hardi thinks absent-mindedness is getting to him. Its like he's not paying attention to what's happening around him or what he's doing.

Once upon a time this very week...blah blah blah. Hardi woke up in the middle of the night to do tahajjud prayers. 3.21am to be accurately exact.

However, once he was done racking up some hasanah (good) instead of folding his prayer mat & putting it in the cupboard...he ended up putting it up in the fridge.

After trying hard to find a place in the fridge to put his prayer mat. Hardi suddenly realised what he was doing & closed the fridge door in a hurry making sure none of his family members saw him.

So fortunately for Hardi, none of his family members didn't happen to to be out of their beds at that point of time going to the kitchen for a glass of water or going to pee in the toilet.

Another time, Hardi was drinking water & he left his specs inside the freezer.

Hardi has unfortunately also once left his house keys in the fridge.

HARDI = GOING NUTS

*whispers* There was also this one time when Hardi put ice in his food & rice in his glass of milk.

Shhh...

aidiladha is a goat's favourite day & nasi briyani lovers

2006-12-31T23:56:00.000-08:00

Usually before the Aidiladha Prayer, we do a thing called the Takbir. It is usually said out loud in unison.

And in most masjids, it is usually done...

a) by having one dedicated guy on the mic saying the Takbir to encourage everyone to recite together or

b) riskily pass a portable mic around to give other folks a try at it.

Its quite simple, you say ''Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar ... La ilaha ilallah. Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar, Walillahil Hamd''.

That is essentially it. There are some ''bonus Sunnah'' versions of this but this is the basic one that everyone does.

Typically, when people pass the portable mic around they continue in the same melody & style as the congregation. But there is always this one guy that sounds like his vocal chords were coarsely mutated in a radioactive explosion or something because when the mic somehow lands in his hands, the nice melodic & serene atmosphere grinds to a halt and Aidiladha is turned upside down!
Masjids needs to ban people like the above right by making an official Aidiladha Takbir Blacklist. Horrible vocal chords can unnecessarily ruin Aidiladha for many people. If the person beside you is awful & its his turn to have the mic then do whatever it takes to destroy the microphone.

SO SANTA, WHO'S YOUR DADDY NOW?

2006-12-25T22:27:00.000-08:00

Ho ho ho!

*Hardi sings* This the season to be jolly. Or is it not?

During Christmas people always sing dumb songs on how things should be a ''White Christmas''. What the crap is a white Christmas? Its supposedly about the "snow" but deep-down I think there are some massive racial undertones in this.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white

Sounds pretty damn racist if you ask me. Can you imagine a white dude singing this to a black dude? Heck, any non-white dude or dudette for that matter...the results will all be the same: absolute disgust.

Why no black Christmas?

Or brown Christmas?

Or yellow Christmas or a mixed Christmas?

I know...its probably because Santa Claus himself is racist.

i swear hijabs can save your life

2006-12-23T12:27:00.000-08:00

One of the biggest dilemmas a Muslim girl will face in her life is the decision to put on HIJAB. It is understandable why the decision is tough.

There's always some strange people out there who like to tease. They'd say "lol is that a napkin on your head?" or ''lol is there a bomb under there?'' etc.

Even we men have a hijab (modesty thingy) but for now let's just stick with the women's hijab as they are the ones that have to go through the tough decision of donning the hijab covering in this mean & scary society.

Well, i decided to post some proofs as to why the hijab could possibly save your life.

People can't pull your hair with a hijab.

This one is pretty obvious. Having long hair is common for most girls & this could prove dangerous in a lot of cases. With a hijab on, your hair is under a nice scarf & if they ever have the urge to pull it then they won't have any grip.

Having hair pulled = painful.

If you are ever falling from an aeroplane, your hijab will save you.

Sometimes in life we tend to fall from aeroplanes or helicopters for unknown reasons. Typically, one would fall to their death but a hijabi can use her hijab to parachute to safety. Ta-dah.

Bad hair days suck & hijabs can prevent that.

Have you ever been late to school or work & didn't have enough time to turn on the light in the toilet so you just showered/brushed teeth/fixed your hair in the dark?

No? I'm sure it has happened to some people.

The result: this.

*shudders* If only she wore hijab.

People are less likely to eat your hijab than eat your hair.

Occasionally, blood-thirsty zombies will come walking about & feed on your hair. The best way to prevent this is to wear hijab.

Hair-eating zombies = scary.

Hopefully the Muslim girls who are in limbo whether or not to wear hijab will consider these factors.

Hijab = safety.

I feel dumb. I was prollie being too friendly with my buddy's sister that he doesn't want to talk to me. Therefore toads are cute.

2006-12-17T23:00:00.000-08:00

It takes quite some time to write in an entry. It takes even longer to think of what to write about. But whenever i get stumped, i think of the opposite gender (no, not think OF them but think of topics I can do ABOUT them because they seem to give me an endless supply of arsenal) No kidding, mate.

Marriage is the hottest topic on the mind of a girl usually once after she turns 18 & if it was Halal to bet, i will bet you a hundred bucks you have thought about marriage a few times this past month. If you are a girl then change 'this past month' to 'this past hour'.

For some strange reason there is this bizarre stereotype that all girls think about is marriage. Like it or not, the stereotype is partially true. Girls of course deny it & even while reading this they are thinking "Oh my gosh, that is so untrue...hardi is such an idiot!"

If anybody has gone to Masjid Al-Falah in town, they should know that the masjid is usually full with youths on saturday nights who drop by there to do their Maghrib prayers while hanging out in town.Take innocent Guy A who after Maghrib is just innocently tying his shoes outside on an innocent night. A pack of hungry girls roam nearby.

Girl A - *giggle*
Girl B - Do you think he saw me? LOL!
Girl C -No. I wore a bright yellow hijab today so he'll notice me.

Modesty gets flushed down the toilet unfortunately. Flush.

And guys, please stop grinning. We are no angels either. If anything we are much worse. At least girls just giggle & gossip amongst themselves. That is cute. But man, there are certain situations where I just grimace in pain & get ashamed that I have a Y Chromosome.

Figuring out the opposite gender takes 90% of my brain power. I'm sorry guys but let's face it...you can date a 100 women before marriage & think you "mastered the girl situation" but as soon as that Nikah contract is signed, you will soon realize that the "experience" you received from dating those 100 girls in the past was useless. Why?

Because girls are unsolvable. Period.

Ever stop and wonder why they made the Riddler from the Batman comics to be a male? It is because if the Riddler was a female then Batman would NEVER be able to solve any of her riddles. The Riddleress would be victorious and that would be the end of Batman forever.

Geez!

I COULD HAVE LEARNT MORE WATCHING DORA THE EXPLORER

2006-12-16T06:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder if there's a reason why Muslims aren't in power anymore. I seriously think Allah has blessed us by not giving us power. I think we are just too stupid to be able to handle any kind of power at this point in time.

I'm going to explain why. Do you get stupid e-mail forwards from your Muslim friends? I do. These e-mail forwards are my reasoning that Muslims shouldn't be in power. I think we're dumb.

Here's something a moronic friend forwarded to me... 3 times.

Subject: DONT DELETE! IF YOUR A MUSLIM! PLEASE READ THIS!

I hope this e-mail reaches you in the highest state of health and imaan inshAllah. This is a story that I wish to share. One day an Imam was reading Qur'an and he fell asleep while reading it. When he woke up he received a dream that Prophet (SAW) told him to spread the message to as many people as he knew. If he spread it to 100 people, he'd reach Jannatul Firdous. If he spread it to 50 people, he'd have many wonderful wives in this life. If he spread it to 25 people, his tastebuds would change and all the milk in the world would taste like honey. If he did not spread the message, he will die.

The tradition of the sheikh lives on today. Please forward this to as many people as you know and enjoy the rewards of Allah (SWT). Do not delete it or leave it in your inbox. Allah (SWT) does not like lazy people.

What the hell. This was my reaction:

I replied to him saying i was deleting his e-mail & i'm blocking him. He called me & pleaded with me to forward it to at least one person. I refused. My stupid friend still pleads with me, saying i would die if i don't forward the e-mail. Someone should tell him that the e-mail is right ... I WILL DIE, just don't know when.

I told my friend that he will die too... only he will die pissing more people off than i did.

For the idiots: Chain letters are not right so stop sending them.

Anything stupid to be sung is sung by Britney Spears.

2006-12-12T22:58:00.000-08:00

When i was 6 or 7... i got easily distracted during prayers.

And also, i wasn't really fond of praying. I was more fond of cartoons, toys & more toys.

You know what distracts me in prayer?

Those prayer rugs!

I mean they have all these squiggly designs. I try to make sense out of them & even make pictures out of them while praying.

I hate those rugs!

I hated those rugs so much that i started praying on the bare floor.

Hunger can also be a problem for me. Now, i get the eats done before I give my 10 minutes of submission.

Hardi is still feeling elated about getting the job, he is still feeling so very the elated that he feels like hugging someone or something right now.

*walks off to room & hugs pillow*

Batman looks like a drag queen on steroids.

2006-12-11T11:00:00.000-08:00

This new blog skin wouldn't have been possible w/o Siti Hajar. She has been a great help so credits & many thanks to her.

So let me kick-start the week with a bang.

Now let's not beat around the bush...pardon the pun.

Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.

2006-12-06T22:28:00.000-08:00

Earlier today, i tried recalling...

what my earliest ambitions were when i was a kid...

like what i wanted to be.

This is gonna sound a tad funny but this was my earliest ambitions:

1) To be a Postman.

And then i changed my mind to an Astronaut.

And then i went back to wanting to be a a Postman.

Teehee...

Fate is like a madman chasing me with a knive.

2006-12-03T23:48:00.000-08:00

Watching Amanda Ling of Electrico working it on her keyboard last night at Indie Garden...

Left me utterly speechless & for once left me weak in the knees that i had the suddden urge to shout...

'Amanda!!! Will you marry me?'

Unfortunately...Amanda Ling overrides my ability to reason.

She's hot...

But then hell is hotter.

So when we were there, i had this convo with a friend...

I translated it to english for better effect.

Me: Hey look at that girl, look what she's wearing.

Friend: What do you want me to do? She isn't muslim, i need not bother.

Me: Well look at her she looks 'tight'.

Friend: Ok why do you keep staring at her? You do know that the first sight is allowed, but looking twice is a sin.

Me: No worries, i am still on my first one, it doesn't say how long the first one should last.

Friend: Muahaha! Idiot! May Allah have mercy on you.

Me: Amin.

So if you ask me to choose between Amanda Ling & that girl who looked 'tight'...

Its obvious ain't it?

Mummy, can i be James Bond?

2006-11-24T16:59:00.000-08:00

I'm sure everyone has had different experiences in life & has therefore seen the weirdest things.

Well, the truth be known i've seen some straight up weird stuffs myself. Like this one time...

How I mistakenly opened the bathroom door & saw my mom in the nude. That was crazy.

And i'm not joking. It was pretty disturbing that i could have nightmares everytime i think of it.

Basically as soon as I opened the sliding door to the bathroom which my mom forgot to lock...

i purposely like let myself fall down on the hard floor before seeing anything in detail.

I didn't saw much. It was like only a flash of image that lasted less than a second.

For those who never ever experienced it, you're lucky.

When i think about it, my toes are laughing.

It still is...

Superman is gay. He wears his underwear on the outside.

2006-11-18T22:38:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking...weird thoughts coming out of my mind...weird but random thoughts.

Like how people usually have cravings for sweet stuffs such as ice cream, chocolates & the like...

But what if? Okay, there is always the but...

But really okay, but what if people have cravings for something else...such as carrots?

Right! Carrots! Mind blowing ain't it?

Just imagine someone who eats carrots as if it is some yummylicous ice cream or chocolate...

When i imagine that, what comes out of my mind is that eating too much carrots could mess up your insides pretty bad.

You'll end up spending too many hours in the toilet, wasting valuable time that could have been used elsewhere.

Plus your skin might turn orange...then you won't be able to get married.

Isn't that weird? My thoughts exactly.

Power rangers are goofy.

2006-11-14T17:24:00.000-08:00

After watching America's Next Top Model last night in bits & pieces...

I realised...it wasn't really that bad after all.

Its just a little wee bit of fun showing a model wannabes life. The show actually kinda makes you NOT wanna be a model.

Its a funny show & dramatic stuff happens in it. Its like any other programme just with a bit more flesh shown. *Aurat Alert!!!*

Anyway, the show helped me perfect my runway walk. Who knew it could be so complicated? HIPS DON'T LIE.

Lol! Who am i kidding?

Jazakallahu khair.

I like to watch fake grass grow.

2006-11-12T06:57:00.000-08:00

In all seriousness, i think i busted my ankle...it feels kinda sore & excruciating at times. The pain feels a whole lot worse than the previous injury i picked up.

I need something to kill the pain. I applied Tigar Balm last night...no effect. I tried Salonpas as well but heck. the pain still hasn't subsided.

I landed quite hard yesterday after the demo at Commonwealth. Was doing an ollie off a flight of stairs when after that Adib said he heard a ''pop'' sound when i landed but i thought nothing of it.

It was only when i was on the train that it started to hurt, hoping that it would go away but it didn't. Trying not to walk with a limp at home so it wouldn't seem so obvious to Mom.

For the moment, i'll just bear with it, put ice on it at night...if it still hurts the next day, i've got no choice but to pay a visit to the good old doctor & hope that my ankle is not busted or anything.

But then still got to go to work 1st, i can't let the pain get in the way of my work. Unless if i'm in no condition to work tomorrow then i'll ask Bala to excuse me.

And if he doesn't, i'll tell him to go fcuk himself instead. The dude is a racist gist...he always seem to have something against the malay employees. If he doesn't excuse me, i'll go straight to Abg Rahman. Done deal!

I realized something about us guys, everytime we try to attract attention with someone from the opposite sex...they usually smile.

But there was this particular dude yesterday on the train who was with a bunch of his friends standing near the rails & there was this cute goth chick sitting just across them.

His friends were pushing him to say hi to the chick but instead...once he made eye contact with the chick..he winked at the chick instead.

I was like what the toot...i was like giggling bacause you should have seen the reaction on the goth chick's face. She was turned off, no doubt about it.

So the moral of the story is...guys, don't ever wink at girls. Its a big no-no. The girl may think you have a twitching disorder or something. Try smiling like me...i always smile at howt unkown girls. I mean smiling is charity in Islam aite. Lol!

Or maybe if you want to start a conversation with a girl...you could always try this on her...i call this an Islamic pick-up line.

Random dude to a hot babe: Yo Yo Yo! Is your dad a terrorist? Coz you are da bomb!!!

Some guys can really go to such extremes...please exclude me.

Ice! I need some ice!

Anything stupid to be said is said by yours truly, George Bush.

2006-11-09T15:58:00.000-08:00

Seriously, do you get the drift of what i'm trying to say?

Aww...come on.

Do you really know what i'm saying?

I've never always liked Bush. If i were an American, i wouldn't want to have him as my president.

I wouldn't want a president who is such a dickhead that he never fails to make such an arse out of himself. I mean have you ever watched him in an interview? He's a joke!

Like just yesterday, i was watching BBC & there was this press conference. The reporters were all pressing him with questions about Iraq. & he was like totally stumped at all the q's thrown to him that he seemed lost. What a joke!

And yet he calls himself ''The Supreme Commander of The United States Armed Forces''.

Me thinks he's a total wimp. Why?

Because if he is truly the Chief of Army, he should be the one leading his troops into battle in Iraq & not hide under some table inside the White House.

And if you want to get to know a real Chief of Army...look no further, we got Rasulullah SAW. Unlike Bush, Rasulullah SAW was the real deal...he fought & bled alongside the Sahabats & the Ummah upholding the kalimah La ilaha ilallah.

Enough said, i don't want to get into trouble for shooting off my mouth about the so-called ''Most Powerful Man in the World'' would i?

Touching on other things...

Sometimes its best not to have high hopes or expectations out of a certain situation...

Because it doesn't always turn out the way we want to at times...

And at times, that's just the way it is...

Do you know what i'm saying?

Can animals be gay?

2006-11-06T03:56:00.000-08:00

Nearly a month of me not blogging & here i am back once more voicing out my inner thoughts that are constantly circulating in my almost redundant brain....whatever that means.

I've always had this pretty big fear of mine that when praying in congregation (solat jemaah) that my pants would fall off during sujud & i'm in the back row & all the sisters are behind me.

I'm sure its one of their worst fears as well...hee!

Lots of stuffs has happened this past month & one of it is tht i'm a year older now.

Dang! I'm a big boy now! 24 years of existence on God's huge green ball of flipping awesomeness & still counting...

Ramadan just left us & now we are in mid-Syawal. Time flies.

Personally for me, i think i had a better Ramadan than last year's. I loved every moment during Ramadan...

From waking up for sahur, breaking fast, doing Teraweh prayers, waking up in the middle of the night to do qiyam...even now i kinda miss Ramadan already.

I yearn for more & i can't flipping wait for the next Ramadan to come.

But wait a sec, i don't even know if i can live to see the next Ramadan right? That's a big question mark, ain't it?

Anyway so now that i'm 24, i see bigger things for myself in the future. I wanna strive for better things in my life, be a better person, be a better Muslim, be a better son, a better brother, a better friend, a better job...

Heck! I want everthing to be better.

Wait! Suddenly, i'm having this crappy thoughts that are coming from my mind....

It goes a little something like this...

Would you marry a sock? Crazy right? I'm only just starting...

I would marry a sock but only if the sock can cook & clean. Polka-dot socks are a big plus,

But nowadays i'll just settle for green-striped purple-orangish ankle socks.

Anyway, unless you have been living under a rock all this while, its common knowledge that Afghanistan was ruled by the Taleban right? & that they were mostly men...

But has anybody ever wondered if there was ever a female Taleban?

I think they would arrest all the men who profess Islam but still watch belly dancers & drink alcohol & b4 they know it they missed Isyak prayers & then they would get their arses whooped!

Ouch!!!

Time for me to get some much needed sleep.

ZZZzzzzzz.......

Nobody dares to fight me because i am oh-so lovable.

2006-10-06T00:39:00.000-07:00

At times when i'm bored for nuts on the bus...

I'll just take out my little note pad & just write whatever comes to mind, When i come to think of it, i love to exercise my imagination, giving it a hell of a good work-out by just thinking.

With headphones on, listening to John Mayer on the Mp3, looking at random people on the streets...my cerebral in my brain burst with ideas & material to write about.

So to have a picture of what i usually write about...here it is, a little something of what i wrote today in which i described myself.

Hardi is a philosopher who constantly sits in quiet little corners contemplating about how awesome he is.

He is among of those brilliant, according to one of the greatest philosophers in the world, himself.

Always in a bad mood, he tends to criticize people & make fun of them to tears.

He shall give lectures to those whom he is displeased with , thus making the unlucky victims soak in his spit.

The idea of a beard being the ultimate symbol of manliness comes from hardi.

When not making men out of women, he enjoys reading graphic novels & superhero comics.

Rumour has it that when not attending to his hobbies, he talks to non-muslims and toys with their beliefs for fun.

Peanut Butter is his best friend.

Maybe i'm nuts...oh what the hell.

2006-09-29T16:48:00.000-07:00

I think during Ramadan my brain works slower than usual.

The other day when i got back home instead of saying Assalamualaikum to my mum, in my mind I was thinking Alhamdulillah but I couldn't remember how to say salam so i walked up to her & said Allahu Akbar.

And today i was looking everywhere for my glasses to use the comp & guess where they were the whole time?

ON MY FACE.

Lately, been thinking of some excuses on why a Muslim would walk into a bar. Often times we'd automatically write this person off as a "Bad" Muslim but this is not always the case.

The purpose of this, hopefully will help me think positively of other Muslims rather than being judgemental.

So here some possible Halal reasons for a Muslim going into a bar. *evil chuckle*

I'll start...

1) He was playing football & he accidentally kicked the ball into the bar & had to go in to get it.

2) He forgot his glasses at home & didn't realize he was walking into a bar.

3) He had peer pressure from other white wannabe Malay Muslims.

4) He became sick & needed to puke.

5) Heard they were giving away free tickets to the Singapore Idol.

6) He was blind, didn't notice that it was a bar so he just walked in thinking it was 7-Eleven.

7) He went in for orange juice.

8) It was near Solat time & he needed to make wuduk fast...the nearest place being the toilet in the bar.

9) Asking for directions.

10) Thirsty as hell, needs to break fast, stops at bar for a glass of water.

11) He ran into the bar to retrieve his pet cat after it went into the bar.

12) He was having a terrible headache & needed some ice.

13) He was doing a survey on Alcoholism.

14) The bar manager owed him some money so he went in to get it.

15) He was walking past the bar when heard a loud scream of a woman in pain. Being the brave Muslim that he was, he quickly rushed in to save whoever was in danger!

See i told ya my brain works slower than usual during Ramadan.

2006-09-23T13:06:00.000-07:00

We all love Ramadan? Don't we all? Do you?

I do. Its my most favourite month of the year.

Why? Because i get to rack up some hasanah thats why. Its a month full of blessings.

Don't we all not want to make full use of this golden opportunity to gain taqwa or allow Ramadan just pass by us just like that?

I mean come on. For all we know this could be our last Ramadan. There is no flippin guarantee that we will be able to meet Ramadan the following year.

I'm not sure whether this is from an ayat from the Quran or from a Hadith of Rasulullah saw but it goes something like this whereby during Ramadan...

Pintu-pintu syurga dibuka seluas-luasnya, Pintu-pintu neraka ditutup dengan serapat-rapatnya dan syaitan dibelenggukan...

You know what i'm saying? I'm psyched up to tell you the truth.

I wasn't really that fond of Ramadan when i was younger. When people were all at the masjid doing Tarawih prayers, i would be at the basketball court playing football with my friends instead with our baju kurung & all.

If we were not playing football, we would be cycling around the neighbourhood or hanging out at the mall chasing girls when we were supposed to be at the masjid. No kidding!

Not only that, i wasn't really fasting right. If i was thirsty, i'll just pretend to go to the toilet & take wuduk but in true fact i will be gulping water down my throat.

So now as i get older, when each Ramadan comes i'll step it up a notch. I try to take myself to the next level in terms of the quality of my ibadah & fasting.

Because at the end of the day, its not about the quantity of your fast. Its all about quality.

Why? Because it doesn't make sense really if you fast during Ramadan but you blatantly & knowingly leave out your daily 5 times a day prayer. What's that all about?

Not only that, there's no use fasting at all if you are going to bitch, tell lies, get pissed & spouting out vulgarities like nobody's business ain't it?

Its all about controlling our desires, our nafsu. Every body part should be fasting, not only our stomachs...but heart, eyes, ears, nose, tongue, hands, legs. You name it.

All in all, Ramadan is a time for us to reflect, to seek Allah's Forgiveness for all the countless sins that we have done. Its time for us to get serious again in respect with our r/ship with Allah.

I came up with a doa list for everyone's benefit for anyone who wishes to practice it the whole month long.

Amalan pada bulan Ramadan...sunat membaca doa-berikut.

Dari 1 hingga 10 Ramadan: Allahu mar hamni ya arhamar rahimin.

Meaning: Ya Allah, berikanlah rahmat kepadaku sesungguhnya Engkaulah yang Maha Pemberi Rahmat.

The next doa...i read it all the time during Ramadan. If you really hayati the meaning...it can really move you to tears coz i did. It is also usually said out during Tarawih prayers.

Ashadu alla ilaha ilallah astaghfirullah. Nas alukal jannata wana'uzubika minan nar x 3

Allahumma innaka afuwwun tuhhibul afwa fa'fu anna ya karim x 3

Meaning: Aku menyaksikan tiada tuhan selain Allah. Aku memohon ampun dari Allah.

Meaning: Ya Allah, sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Pengampun, yang suka memberi keampunan maka ampunilah kami, wahai yang Maha Mulia.

I could go on & on about this Ramadan thingy. But personally for me, i tell myself to treat this Ramadan as if it is my last. Because you never know when death could come knocking on your door & i for sure do not want to go in front in front of my Lord empty-handed. Do you?

I'll end my post with this from Rasulullah saw regarding Tarawih...

KELEBIHAN SEMBAHYANG SUNAT TARAWIH

Diriwayatkan oleh Saiyidina Ali ra daripada Rasulullah saw sebagai jawapan
dari pertanyaan sahabat-sahabat Nabi saw tentang fadhilat or kelebihan
sembahyang sunat terawih pada bulan Ramadan:

Malam 1 - keluar dosa-dosa orang mukmin pada malam pertama sepertimana ia
baru dilahirkan, mendapat keampunan dari Allah.

Malam 2 - diampunkan dosa-dosa orang mukmin yang sembahyang terawih
serta kedua ibu bapanya sekiranya mereka orang beriman.

Malam 3 - berseru Malaikat di bawah Arash supaya kami meneruskan
sembahyang terawih terus menerus semoga Allah mengampunkan
dosa engkau.

Malam 4 - memperolehi pahala ia sebagaimana pahala orang-orang yang
membaca kitab-kitab Taurat, Zabur, Injil dan Al-Quran.

Malam 5 - Allah kurniakan baginya pahala seumpama orang sembahyang di
Masjidil Haram, Masjid Madinah dan Masjidil Aqsa.

Malam 6 - Allah kurniakan pahala kepadanya pahala Malaikat-malaikat yang
tawaf di Baitul Makmur (70 ribu Malaikat sekali tawaf), serta setiap
batu-batu dan tanah-tanah mendoakan supaya Allah mengampunkan
dosa-dosa orang yang mengerjakan sembahyang terawih pada malam
ini.

Malam 7 - Seolah-olah ia dapat bertemu dengan Nabi Musa as serta menolong Nabi Musa as menentang musuh ketatnya Firaun dan Hamman.

Malam 8 - Allah mengurniakan pahala orang sembahyang terawih sepertimana
yang telah dikurniakan kepada Nabi Allah Ibrahim as.

Malam 9 - Allah kurniakan pahala dan dinaikkan mutu ibadat hambanya seperti
Nabi Muhammad S.A.W.

Malam 10 - Allah swt mengurniakan kepadanya kebaikan di dunia dan di akhirat.

Malam 11 - Keluar ia daripada dunia (mati) bersih daripada dosa seperti ia baru
dilahirkan.

Malam 12 - Datang ia pada hari Qiamat dengan muka yang bercahaya (cahaya
ibadahnya).

Malam 13 - Datang ia pada hari Qiamat dalam aman sentosa daripada tiap-tiap
kejahatan dan keburukan.

Malam 14 - Datang Malaikat menyaksikan ia bersembahyang terawih, serta Allah
tiada menyesatkannya pada hari Qiamat.

Malam 15 - Semua Malaikat yang menanggung Arasy, Kursi, berselawat dan
mendoakannya supaya Allah mengampunkannya.

You all get what Rasulullah saw is trying to say? Let us not be some loser during this Ramadan.

Insya Allah...amin!

And yeah if you are all wondering what happen to malam 16 to 30...i'll post it at a later date.

Jazakallahu Khair.

2006-09-17T12:47:00.000-07:00

What is up with Orlando Bloom in all seriousness?

Why does EVERY single character he plays in any movie involves either...

a) bow & arrows
b) being a blacksmith
c) being some whiny loser
d) all of the above

I mean come on.

Name: Paris.

Movie: Troy.

Loves: Stealing girlfriends.

Hates: Being in bad historic epics.

Summary: He's a prince looking for a quest.

Name: Will Turner.

Movie: Pirates of The Carribean 1 & 2.

Loves: Killing undead pirates.

Hates: Being Jack Sparrow's dog.

Summary: He's a blacksmith looking for a quest.

Name: Legolas.

Movie: Lord of The Rings Trilogy.

Loves: Shooting stuffs with his bow.

Hates: When people say he has a crush on Gimli.

Summary: He's an elf looking for a quest.

Name: Balian

Movie: Kingdom of Heaven

Loves: Commiting sin.

Hates: Getting owned by Saladin.

Summary: He's a blacksmith looking for a quest.

You see...i spent nearly 2 hours in the wee hours of sunday morning watching Kingdom of Heaven. Even thou the movie came out like ages ago, this is like the 1st time i'm watching it.

You see...i pretty much assumed that this would be another Hollywood movie that will make us Muslims look bad & i would have another reason to be pissed at Hollywood.

The REAL bad guys in the movie are the extremists on both sides who are so eager to go to war for some reason.

Like a ton of the folks on the Christian side were all Muslim-hating & wanted a war while on the other side of the fence there was this dude with a well-trimmed beard who was getting all up in Saladin's face for not having conquered Jerusalem by now.

So the moral of the story, if you have not figured it out...it is that extremism sucks & everyone should just get along.

However, i still found some screw ups in the movie.

1) Pretty much every actor in the movie could say 'Muslim' properly except Bloom. He kept saying 'Mooooze-lim' & it kinda made me flippin wince whenever he said it. Its like listening to Paris Hilton sing.

2) The Azan was playing DURING the prayer. The Azan is pretty much useless if people have already begun prayer ain't it? Dumb.

3) When burying the bodies of dead Muslim soldiers, Saladin begins to recite Surah Fateha. He says half the surah but then finishes abruptly. I mean what is up with that?

4) I don't really like people to get touchy-feely during prayer not stand so close to me, but in this movie they were like 10 meters apart and praying in congregation. I am not entirely sure why but come on...shoulder to shoulder.

All in all, i love Sundays.

You want to know why?

Cause i get to be lazy. Marvellous!

2006-09-15T18:14:00.000-07:00

Annoying Prayer Habits!!!

I encounter them all the time...especially during Jumaat prayers.

Unless you got some extremely weird beliefs of this religion, you all prolly pray a few times a day or at least make an effort to try.

Prayer is cool...a time where we can actually have a one-on-one link with the Almighty Himself. We can either pray alone or pray in congregation ain't it?

Unfortunately praying in congregation has its downside. When one is trying to establish a link to God, there is always some moron that completely screws it up.

Depending on your school of thought, we should say Amin aloud after Surah Fateha is recited right?

Well, i do not mind this. What I do mind is people shouting Amin on the top of their lungs. That's not nice.

Shouting Amin does not make your prayer better. It just makes everyone else annoyed.

If you are gonna say Amin out loud, say it in a tolerable voice. Allah can hear all Amins, soft or loud, so do not worry about not being heard.

Then...

If there is one thing to ruin your concentration during solat, it would be those ''karaoke imams'' who are beside you & reciting the surah louder than the actual imam.

Hey man, congratulations on knowing the surah that the Imam is reciting but please shut up so I can concentrate, thank you.

Last but not least...

I truly wish handphones were around at the time of Rasulullah SAW so they could have been officially banned during prayer time. Why?

Because today we have a bunch of mongooses who think they are important getting called in the midst of prayers.

It is kinda alarming that in the middle of Surah Fateha all you hear is 50 Cents ''In Da Club" or some stupid Bollywood ring tone.

What is even more stupid is that no matter how many times i said "Subhanallah", the dude beside me will still not turn off his handphone during prayer.

Oh the horror!!!

2006-09-12T22:42:00.000-07:00

An excellent example of pink being cute. *swoons*

An example of pink being totally uncute. *faints*

Oh my God! Please do excuse my rant about the colour pink. Maybe i need to seek professional help or something.

Oh boy, do i hate the colour pink...especially when sisters wear pink hijabs with matching shoes, trousers & jilbab.

It just looks flipping ridiculous...no kidding! And don't even get me started on brothers!

I was on my way back home from work when this brother, yes a brother with a bushy beard wearing a pink t-shirt emblazoned with the words ''You ain't a man till you've worn pink'' walked past me with a swagger that would put 50 Cent to shame.

Now i have not got anything against the colour pink but i do have an issue with people who think its cute for a 25 year old sister to be walking about looking like some giant candy floss.

Oh yeah, isn't ''a pink hijabi'' the muslim equivelant of a dumb blonde?

*faints again*

2006-09-11T21:42:00.000-07:00

Maybe i''m being too opiniated for my own good...so bear with me.

Since today is 9/11's anniversary...i was thinking why not write about my thoughts on 9/11. My point of view that is.

When 9/11 happened, the media everywhere were starting to speculate that it was ''Muslims'' that carried out the attacks or something dumb like that.

Well, i disagree.

The heinous acts of terrorism against the World Trade Center were too well-timed & organized to be carried out by Muslims.

I am being flipping serious for once. I have been with the youth wing with Masjid Al-Ansar for like 4 years of my life & there are some cold, hard facts about Muslims today:

1) We are not organized enough to pull off a 9/11.
2) We are never on time. If there was such a thing as a Muslim terrorist...he would have missed the flight.

Apparently one of the terrorists was spotted at a bar b4 the plane fiasco. How did they know he was Muslim? Because he accidently left a Quran in the bar.

Apparently that is what we do as Muslims. We like to carry the Quran to clubs, bars, pubs & other not-so-Halal places so we can feel better b4 going on suicide missions. What idiots!

We might make some good villains in movies but in real life, we would not be able do any harm to this country even if we wanted to. We do not really have a good reason to blow up anything either.

Unless it is a balloon. Balloons are fun to blow up.

2006-09-02T22:41:00.000-07:00

Due to some unforeseen cicumstances...

I have come to a decision that i will be taking some time off blogging this coming days as i have matters in my life that need to be sorted out.

Jazakallahu khair.

2006-08-30T17:08:00.000-07:00

I am so dead scared of spiders. They creep me out.

I do not want to start a mass spider genocide or anything but i just do not like the way they walk.

I mean they are cool because spiders bailed out Rasulullah SAW in the cave while people were hunting him down but still, i have what is called arachnophobia, that is fear of spiders.

Other people are scared of many other things. I know people who are scared of rollercoasters. I make fun of those people.

While some others are mighty scared of birds, these kinda people are called Ornithophobics. I know a certain Ornithophobic. You know who you are. Wakakakiku gatal!

I also know people that are so afraid of tight spaces that they do not like the blanket on top of them because they fear the blanket would suddenly come alive & strangle them to death.

Above all, there are also people who are kafirphobic - fear of kafirs.

Kafirs are basically people who know about Islam but are not a fan of accepting it. It's normal to leave it at that.

However some muslims tend to get a bit wound up. They start screaming at anything that looks remotely kafir. You could just look as far as Indonesia whenever there is a demo against the US or Britain, the muslim folks would be be yelling & cursing, ''Die kafir, die!'' & ''Go to hell, kafir!''

Kafirs are not really that scary in true fact. Kafirs like to give out chocolates & goodies time-to-time so its cool to chill with them during Christmas or Chinese New Year or what have you. I dunno about you but that sounds pretty sweet of them. My neighbours does that all the time.

So WHY do people have kafirphobia? What makes people run & scream from them as if they are some sort of monster or jin? Nobody knows for sure, but I did some of my own research of the symptoms...

- Coughing, sneezing or sore throat while in a crowd of non-Muslims
- Dizziness when too close to a non-Muslim
- Massive stomach irritation when eating at a fast food outlet made by kafirs
- Extreme itchiness when using a product and/or invention that was made by a kafir
- Watery eyes when reading a book written by a non-Muslim

Kafirphobia unfortunately still exists. Even though the nurse that helped bring us into this world could have been a kafir.

Even the people marching with us against the occupation of Palestine are kafirs. Even when we fall off our bikes, a nearby kafir would come forward & ask ''you okay?''.

Not all kafirs are evil. Just the ones that say they want to kill us or something. Those ones are no good. But the rest are cool.

Screw kafirs eh? There are much bigger problems out there than "kafirs". I am not saying to hug & kiss every non-Muslim you see out there.

The problem is that we are scared of the wrong things. We should not fear people.

Just insects, rollercoasters, blankets & birds...yeah birds.

That Big Bird from Sesame Street scares the shitlights out of me.

Scarier than Barney The Dinosaur.

*runs away & hides under bed*

2006-08-25T02:56:00.000-07:00

If you are interested in interesting blogs, trust me when I say that you will be better off reading something else.

You will no doubt prefer reading one of those Harry Potter books or even the nutritional facts on a cereal box such as cornflakes honeystars.

Because this particular post that you are about to read in this blog is not interesting at all.

And that is fine but the bigger problem is that this post is neither innovative, clever or particularly entertaining.

In fact its filled with one repetitive, derivative, tedious & oh so pointless points of crap after another.

Furthermore if you feel the need to read more than just one of these time wasting posts, you will do just as well by just reading the first 3 sentences & the last 3 sentences of the post.

The rest is just an appalling amount of crapping i would have to say.

So, why not stop now and find something less aggravating to keep yourself busy with. It would not be hard to do just that, would it?

You are still reading, are you?

Ok, i have already met my word count.

You read that too, did you not?

And yeah one more thing...

If a girl tells you that she's 20 & looks 16, she's 12. If she tells you she's 26 & looks 26, she's actually near 40.

Good morning to all the oh so lovable & non-sexy people.

2006-08-21T22:49:00.000-07:00

Okay so a lot of people are sitting for their exams at the moment & this age old question has been bugging me for a while.

Everything that happens, happens for a reason right? If it's written in your takdir, nothing you do can change it, right?

Well then, that means that no matter how hard we work & try to prepare for our exams, we will only get the results which we're meant to get...right or not?

Imagine this...

Mom: *screams* Hardi!!! *blood boiling* 5 U's!!!

Me: It was my destiny, my takdir. Qadha & qadar Allah swt. No revision or coursework can change that, mummy.

Mom: Phew...and there i thought it was your fault.

Me: Of course not! Had it been in my hands...straight A's for you, mom.

Mom: Awww...

Me: *blush*

Well, it's quite simple actually. You gotta put in the effort to prepare for your exams & 9 times out of 10 the results you get will be a direct reflection of your prep.

Unless there are other outside factors that may make you forget some of the material that you learn such as lack of sleep, improper nutrition or too much nervousness.

Allah has complete knowledge of what results you will get but it's up to you to put in the effort.

You gotta make tonnes of doa & take what Allah has given you with a smile & if that's a ''U" that you got then erm...try explaining "qadha & qadar" to your parents.

But then Allah swt is Most Just in His Qadar.

So if you are not going to put in an effort & pray to Allah swt to help you get straight As then you prolly need a course in "mental well being & procrastination"

If Allah wants one to succeed even though one slacks off, He is able to do so. But we have to bear in mind that the right way is to work for what we want & pray to Allah.

But we can never say if we don't work for what we want, Allah will not give it to us.

If after you have tried your best & you still mess up then you can pass it down to Qadha & qadar. It would be great to use that excuse, we could get away with almost anything. Lol!

But if you want something in life you have to go out there & get it.

Allah swt is not just going to hand it to you, you have the choice to take it & if you want it then you have to work & strive for it...unless you have a photographic memory that is.

And Allah Knows best.

Kudos.

2006-08-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of fools in this world...pompous fools i call them.

And pompous fools never fail to drive me up the wall. Ordinary fools are all right, you can always talk to them & try to help them out.

But pompous fools, guys who are fools & are covering it all over & impressing people as to how wonderful they are with all this hocus pocus bullshit. THAT, I CANNOT STAND!

An ordinary fool is not a faker. An honest fool is all right. But a dishonest fool is terrible!

And that is what I get at my workplace...a bunch of pompous fools that never fail to get on my tits. I could always name a good few pompous fools but that'd be clear cut backbiting.

And in turn i've always wanted to beat the fcuklights of those pompous fools & leave them hanging on a lamp-post upside down in their polka-dot underwear.

We are all average fools at some point or another but it seems the pompous ones have lost their ability to be introspective & self-critical that they wallow in their foolishness & exacerbate it.

There is no fool like a pompous fool.

I've spoken my mind.

Enough said.

2006-08-16T22:06:00.000-07:00

The dorky side of me somehow wishes to write about VOWELS.

Yes...vowels.

A, E, I, O, U, Y

What's your least favourite vowel?

For me personally, i would so like to love ALL vowels with an equally strong passion. But then...I've always disliked that pesky 'E'.

The vowel 'O' is if possible the most repulsive letter in the entire whole English alphabet. Not only is there no proper substitute for it in Arabic (letter fathah waw sukun), it is also so bloody brutally deficient in its physique.

Not only bilaterally symmetric, but also radially. Gross! O! It can be a sentence by itself, but it could also in my mind be the worst of convo-killers.

Me: Guess what? I'm getting married.
Friend: O.

*shudder*

I hate U's but I love A's. I dont know why but 'U' just bugs me. I hate 'U'. Its just so 'U'-ish! Ewwwww...'U'!

*shudders again*

2006-08-14T22:57:00.000-07:00

Dilz had a little request so all this is for your reading amusement, people.

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME

-I am emo-phobic.
-I own my own website, comekissmybehindyoufool.com
-I look good in spandex...just like Superman.
-I am straight...as in my sexual orientation.
-I can fart, sneeze, cough, burp and do a 360 flip on a skateboard all at the same time.
-I am extremely shy with people from the opposite sex. *blush*
-I grow soft lush facial hair.

7 THINGS THAT SCARE ME

-George Bush and his merry men *deadpan*
-Cows falling from the sky.
-Cops knocking at my door.
-Getting followed around by transvestites at Changi.
-Hyper-ventilating.
-Hallucinations.
-You.

7 RANDOM MUSIC AT THE MOMENT

-Hawthorne Heights/Ohio Is For Lovers
-From First To Last/Note To Self
-Strung Out/Analog
-John Mayer/Your Body Is A Wonderland
-MxPx/The Darkest Places
-Hidden In Plain View/Ashes, Ashes
-Lifehouse/You And Me

7 THINGS/PEOPLE I LIKE THE MOST

-My dysFUNctional family.
-My Guys & Dolls.
-Foam parties in the toilet.
-Blowing bubbles.
-People of the opposite sex. (who doesn't?)
-Waxing my beard.
-A board with 4 wheels.

7 THINGS I SAY THE MOST

-Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
-Dreams are awesome like a cow wearing glasses.
-You lazy cow.
-Lame tart.
-Dimwit.
-Tits & Ass.
-Astaghfirullah.

7 PEOPLE TO DO THIS

-My hot neighbour
-The girl who lives on th 8th floor
-Wonderwoman
-Paris Hilton
-Zarqawi (Oh yeah, it slipped my mind that he's already dead)
-The girl who cried at the bus-stop
-Oh you sweet little thing

2006-08-11T18:44:00.000-07:00

My Morning Routine

5:15am

Alarm sounds
Hits snooze button
MOAN
Goes back to sleep

5.25am

Hits snooze button
Sits upright
MOAN
Sis comes to wake me up for like 20 times
She yells, 'Oi, wake up'
Me yells back, 'go away'
Lies back down again
Sleep

5:35am

Hits snooze button again
Gets waken up with water sprayer by Mom
MOAN
Gets blankie pulled off by mom
MOAN

5:45am

Drag my ass to the bathroom
MOAN

6am

Gets ready for work
Prays Subuh half awake
MOAN
Munch coco crunch for breakfast
Look for my shoes & yet to be found keys

6:15am

Get out of house
Waits for bus

6:25am

Bus comes.
Scream at kids on bus to shut up

7.05am

Reaches workplace
Gets screwed by supervisor for being 5 min late
I moan some more.

2006-08-07T22:39:00.000-07:00

So i gave blood for the first time today.

I was a nervous wreck since i'm deathly afraid of needles, yet i survived somehow. The thought of giving blood freaks me out. Not that i'd be allowed to...

In a way it was fun as it was a large-scale event & there were like 80 staff who showed up.
Fun times. However the lady taking blood from me wasn't really in the mood for conversation.

Feeling a tad tired, i practically felt wanting to just nap right there & then when i lied down to donate my blood. But then i realized if i did that, nurses would prolly swarm me, start punching me in my chest & applying CPR on me thinking that i might have fainted.

"Life-saving techniques"...right. I know a beating when I see one.

It was interesting when i gave blood, the lady who was looking at my arms to see if i can actually donate told me that "you have real beautiful veins". And then I was like....why thank you.

Heck, to be honest she sounded like some vampire waiting to suck & feed on my blood when she mentioned i had beautiful veins & i was the helpless victim whom she was about suck the blood out of.

I also enjoyed the pre-injection questions & being able to answer "no" to EVERY SINGLE ONE.
Gosh, those questions were scandalous.

I was gonna say it deadpan "I'm Muslim...i don't do these things! Astagfirullah!" but I just ended up answering the questions anyway.

I wonder why we don't get freebies for giving blood. I only got a sticker that said "I Gave Blood Today". I would rather have got a sticker that said...''I Gave Blood. I'm Hot''.

All in all, it was a blast donating blood with the nurses looking so bloody hot in the nurses uniforms which i gotta admit diverted my attention from fainting upon the sight of needles.

In fact, i'm thinking of donating again in the near so distant future...not donate blood but donate actual organs. *faints*

2006-08-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i'd lie awake at night thinking of all the stupid things I did as a child. With that being said, i've had a lot of sleepless nights.

But it's natural for kids to be stupid...but when you mix in things like the basics of Islam & stupidity, the results are hilarious. (as well as extreme guilt)

Naturally as a young kiddo (the age of 6 to be precise) we aren't held accountable for our deeds [we are basically angelic even].

Well, during prayer I always found it interesting that people said "amin" out loud after surah Fateha. It felt nice & soothing.

Sometimes i'd join in the prayer & belt amin out loud as well.

Even when I wasn't praying & could over hear someone saying Surah Fateha, i'd shout "amiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin" as soon as they were done with the surah.

People thought I was a cute kid for doing such a cute thing.

My family would host Taraweeh prayers where all my relatives would gather at our house on weekends. (this was before the construction of Darul Ghufran)

And as the host of the house i felt i should have the loudest 'amin!' during prayer.

For some reason I made up my own fiqh rulings & decided that anything that sounded similar to 'amin' would be permissable to say.

For some reason I shouted something...quite different.

Imam: *recites end of Surah Fateha*
Congregation: AMIIIIIIN!!!
Me [same time]: ICE CREAAAAAAAAAM!!!!

Boy, did i get into so much trouble after that prayer.

2006-08-03T21:46:00.000-07:00

As I sit on the sofa,
I pinch my feet,

Feel my toes,
Looking for me,

The real me,
My soul.

Questions ripple through my head,
Who am I?

Must I grow old...Why?

And as day replaces night,
And night replaces day...

Night and day both over which we have no control...

Nature, people, internal organs, blood flow,
Am I truly in control?

Will my youth still be around tomorrow...?
Will my friends still be here tomorrow?

Will I be here,
Tomorrow?

I pinch my feet...
Still looking...

2006-08-02T22:14:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered what does your hand smells like? Go ahead smell & don't lie.

*sniffs hands* My hands smell like dates. I was tempted to say they smelled like my date.

My dreams are weird & i thought my dreams were all rather obscure & chaotic.

I don't know. It was pretty weird i think. Well umm... i don't quite remember but it was weird i promise! Well, unless it wasn't weird then i won't promise.

My dreams are seriously completely messed up...they never seem to make sense, defy logic & have me or people i know doing insane things.

Like this one particular dream, where me, my sisters & Gandalf from Lord of The Rings & Hitler were playing a game of peek-a-boo.

And that's only the tip of the iceberg...i dream way too much.

Like yesterday's dream...

I had a dream that my school was being invaded by space aliens...then 3 tigers saved us by beating them up...then we had a party but didn't invite the 3 tigers...the tigers got mad & discussed a plan amongst each other to have their revenge against us...then they attacked while we were partying in the science lab. There was blood everywhere (but no dead bodies) as I got out...i managed to escape...then I returned to my school with my parents... AND it was on fire! Then guess who came to put out the fire? SANTA CLAUS!!!

Nutty dream & I confess...the tigers that i dreamt were cartoony tigers just like Kelloggs Tiger.

My dreams are awesome like a cow with glasses. I heart them like a cow that loves to moo. I love cows and if i ever were to own any cows, taking care of them would be a chore but i'll enjoy it nonetheless.

Mak cows!

2006-07-31T22:03:00.000-07:00

The Qana Massacre

55 Lebanese dead including 27 children...all are innocent civilians.

If you're not outraged then you're prolly not paying attention.

The latest massacre in Qana is absolutely vile. In fact, the word 'vile' doesn't cut it, you look at the footage & you realise how feeble language is that there are simply no words to describe it.

So the Israeli's argument is going to be "Oh, we issued warnings". WHERE THE HELL WERE THE CIVILLIANS SUPPOSED TO FLEE WITH ALL THE ROADS/BRIDGES BOMBED... not to mention vehicles with fleeing people have been destroyed also.

Israelis are intentionally killing Civilians, but not making a fuss at all. But when it comes to 3 Israelis, they make it sound like the whole of Israel has been wiped off the face of the earth.

So they said they issued warnings but how do they expect the Lebanese people to take notice of crappy leaflets when their fellow villages & cities are being bombed????

Arrogant selfish toots! They make it sound like its all the civilians fault for getting killed.

I actually cried when i saw the picture in the news of the dad holding up his dead daughter & i haven't cried since i hurt my effing foot.

So much pain. Too much.

May Allah help all those under oppression.

I'd say amin to that.

2006-07-30T19:06:00.000-07:00

A wicked conversation about hijab. Simply wicked.

Non-hijabi: "I'm so tired"
Hijabi: "Tired of what?"

Non-hijabi: "Of all these people judging me."
Hijabi: "Who judged you?"

Non-hijabi: "Like that woman, every time I sit with her, she tells me to wear hijab."
Hijabi: "Oh, hijab and music! The mother of all topics!"

Non-hijabi: "Yeah! I listen to music without hijab.haha!"
Hijabi: "Maybe she was just giving you advice."

Non-hijabi: "I don't need her advice. I know my religion. Can't she mind her own business?"
Hijabi: "Maybe you misunderstood. She was just being nice."

Non-hijabi: "Keeping out of my business, that would be nice..."
Hijabi: "But it's her duty to encourage you do to good."

Non-hijabi: "Trust me. That was no encouragement. And what do you mean 'good' ?"
Hijabi: "Well, wearing hijab, that would be a good thing to do."

Non-hijabi:"Says who?"
Hijabi: "It's in the Qur'an, isn't it?"

Non-hijabi: "Yes. She did quote me something."
Hijabi: "She said Surah Nur, and other places of the Qur'an."

Non-hijabi: "Yes, but it's not a big sin anyway. Helping people and praying is more important."
Hijabi: "True. But big things start with small things."

Non-hijabi: "That's a good point, but what you wear is not important. What's important is to have a good healthy heart."
Hijabi: "What you wear is not important?"

Non-hijabi: "That's what I said."
Hijabi: "Then why do you spend an hour every morning fixing up?"

Non-hijabi: "What do you mean?"
Hijabi: "You spend money on cosmetics, not to mention all the time you spend on fixing your hair and low-carb dieting."

Non-hijabi: "So?"
Hijabi: "So, your appearance IS important.''

Non-hijabi: "No. I said wearing hijab is not an important thing in religion."
Hijabi: "If it's not an important thing in religion, why is it mentioned in the Holy Qur'an?"

Non-hijabi: "You know I can't follow all that's in Qur'an."
Hijabi: "You mean God tells you something to do, you disobey and then it's OK?"

Non-hijabi: "Yes. God is forgiving."
Hijabi: "God is forgiving to those who repent and do not repeat their mistakes.

Non-hijabi: "Says who?"
Hijabi: "Says the same book that tells you to cover."

Non-hijabi: "But I don't like hijab, it limits my freedom."
Hijabi: "But the lotions, lipsticks, mascara and other cosmetics set you free?! What's your definition of freedom anyway?"

Non-hijabi: "Freedom is in doing whatever you like to do."
Hijabi: "No. Freedom is in doing the right thing, not in doing whatever we wish to do."

Non-hijabi: "Look! I've seen so many people who don't wear hijab and are nice people, and so many who wear hijab and are bad people."
Hijabi: "So what? There are people who are nice to you but are alcoholic. Should we all be alcoholics? You made a stupid point."

Non-hijabi: "I don't want to be an extremist or a fanatic. I'm OK the way I am without hijab."
Hijabi: "Then you are a secular fanatic. An extremist in disobeying God."

Non-hijabi: "You don't get it, if I wear hijab, who would marry me?!"
Hijabi: "So all these people with hijab never get married?!"

Non-hijabi: "Okay! What if I get married and my husband doesn't like it? And wants me to remove it?"
Hijabi: "What if your husband wants you to go out with him on a bank robbery?!"

Non-hijabi: "That's irrelevant, bank robbery is a crime."
Hijabi: "Disobeying your Creator is not a crime?"

Non-hijabi: "Why do you reduce religion to a piece of cloth anyway?"
Hijabi: "Why do you reduce womanhood to high heels and lipstick colors?"

Non-hijabi: "You didn't answer my question."
Hijabi: "In fact, I did. Hijab is not just a piece of cloth. It is obeying God in a difficult environment. It is courage, faith in action, and true womanhood. But your short sleeves, tight pants."

Non-hijabi: "That's called 'fashion', you live in a cave or something? First of all, hijab was founded by men who wanted to control women."
Hijabi: "Really? I did not know men could control women by hijab."

Non-hijabi: "Yes. That's what it is."
Hijabi: "What about the women who fight their husbands to wear hijab? And women in France who are forced to remove their hijab by men? What do you say about that?"

Non-hijabi: "Well, that's different."
Hijabi: "What difference? The woman who asked you to wear hijab. She was a woman, right?"

Non-hijabi: "Right, but."
Hijabi: "But fashions that are designed and promoted by male-dominated corporations, set you free? Men have no control on exposing women and using them as a commodity?! Give me a break!"

Non-hijabi: "Wait, let me finish, I was saying."
Hijabi: "Saying what? You think that men control women by hijab?"

Non-hijabi: "Yes."
Hijabi: "Specifically how?"

Non-hijabi: "By telling women how and what to wear, dummy!"
Hijabi: "Doesn't TV, magazines and movies tell you what to wear, and how to be 'attractive'?"

Non-hijabi: "Of course, it's fashion."
Hijabi: "Isn't that control? Pressuring you to wear what they want you to wear?"

Non-hijabi: *Silence*.
Hijabi: "Not just controlling you, but also controlling the market."

Non-hijabi: "What do you mean?"
Hijabi: "I mean, you are told to look skinny and anorexic like that woman on the cover of the magazine, by men who design those magazines and sell those products."

Non-hijabi: "I don't get it. What does hijab have to do with products."
Hijabi: "It has everything to do with that. Don't you see? Hijab is a threat to consumerism, women who spend billions of dollars to look skinny and live by standards of fashion designed by men - and then here is Islam, saying trash all that nonsense and focus on your soul, not on your looks, and do not worry what men think of your looks."

Non-hijabi: "Like I don't have to buy hijab? Isn't hijab a product?"
Hijabi: "Yes, it is. It is a product that sets you free from male-dominated consumerism ."

Non-hijabi: "Stop lecturing me! I WILL NOT WEAR HIJAB! It is awkward, outdated, and totally not suitable for this society ... Moreover, I am only 20 and too young to wear hijab!"
Hijabi: "Fine. Say that to your Lord, when you face Him on Judgment Day."

Non-hijabi: "Fine."
Hijabi: "Fine."

Non-hijabi: *Silence*.
Hijabi: "Shut up and I don't want to hear more about hijab niqab schmijab Punjab!"

Silence.

She stared at the mirror, tired of arguing with herself all this time. Successful enough, she managed to shut the voices in her head, with her own opinions triumphant in victory on the matter, and a final modern decision accepted by the society, rejected by the Faith:

Yes to curls or blowed dried hair, no to hijab.

Ok, now for my thoughts on the conversation. I just want to say something...

Sometimes, we all don't realize, everytime we're reading the Qur'an, its actually ALLAH saying that. Not what the "Qur'an" says.

I prefer people to say "Allah says in the Qur'an" instead of "The Qur'an says". Its a totally different meaning.

I noticed some of the dialogue said something similar, like "says the same book...etc."

So, you get the point, we all need to realize what we read in the Qur'an is Allah's words.

Wasalam.

2006-07-27T21:45:00.000-07:00

Mom says i sneeze too hard...

Well, if i do sneeze too hard, i can fracture a rib...

If i were ever to try and suppress a sneeze...

I think i could rupture a blood vessel...

In my head or neck & practically die. *gasp*

I'm feeling kinda dumb today...

I was prolly being too friendly with my neighbour's daughter in the lift just now...

And he gives me that ''don't fool around with my daughter'' look at me...

Therefore, toads are cute.

Wow...

2006-07-25T21:59:00.000-07:00

Girls...what a headache.

I mean when guys have problems with each other, they throw girly punches at one another.

If girls have problems, they'll prolly insult each other into eating disorders.

Guys get mad at each other & then usually forget. & if they don't forget, some pizza will make them forget.

Girls have problems if another girl forgot to say salam to them in the hallway or accidentally step on each other's toes or diss each other's nail polish. (I'm extremely sorry for the hugeee & vague overgeneralization but hey! I don't have time to delve into subtle semantics & to qualify things)

Girls are the ones who go through child birth so they prolly have it harder in life than guys. Nuff said...

I can't imagine myself giving birth, i'll prolly faint thinking about it...i shudder at the thought of myself giving birth.

But clearly, i think girls have it harder than guys. It's hard work to look pretty you know...geez.

All in all, i like being a guy....cause i can have 4 wives *quipped*

At least its not as bad as Eugene when i ask him, ''Hey balls, tell me one good reason why you want to get married?''

And he answered...''Did anyone mention sex? Yeah. That's all I'm in it for.''

Gosh...

I need to go & do my laundry...one can only go for so long with dirty boxer shorts!

2006-07-24T23:33:00.000-07:00

Little kiddos pretty much tend to say silly things when they're younger...

Especially my little cuzzies...so let me literally relate them to you...

Starting with my aunt's son whose barely six...

His mom (that is my aunt) was was boiling eggs for him for his breakfast...

& there he was standing beside his mom watching the eggs as they get boiled in hot water...

That was when i heard his little cutesy lovely voice saying...

''Mom, are the eggs taking a bath?''

I practically just dropped on my knees laughing right there & then.

While at my granddad's place, an uncle of mine jokingly throws the tv remote @ someone so they can catch it...

My little cuzzie Haziq: "Hey, that nearly hit their face!"

My uncle (impressed): "Masya Allah!!! You're trying 2 protect them."

Haziq: "No, you nearly broke the remote!"

At that point of time i could have either constipated on the spot or worse, practically just die from the excessive & hysterical laughter that followed.

So tomorrow the month of Rejab will arrive...insya Allah.

I'm so looking 4ward to Ramadan...are you?

I'll be posting some stuffz about Rejab, Syaaban & Ramadan soon enuff...insya Allah.

But b4 that i just want to speak my mind about a little something...

That is...

ISRAEL SHOULD JUST LAY THEIR HANDS OFF PALESTINE & LEBANON.

Till then good night people.

2006-07-23T23:06:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a pretty mixture of tiredness, exhaustion & mild-hysteria.

Pills are knocking in me FINALLY! I best go to sleep now but before that...

It was so-so hot out there on the tarmac doing the flights today that i just felt like i wanted to sit in a freezer for the rest of the day...yeah it was that hot & it isn't even Ramadan yet.

I'm a goner.

2006-07-19T18:06:00.000-07:00

*Start rant*

I live in a country where youths like me drink alcohol like we'd drink water...reality check!

One of the things that I cannot stand: Muslims who drink and don't see anything wrong with it. Why would you want to destroy the body Allah gave you?

The temptation is always there for me as well but i try to surround myself with muslims and non-muslims that look down upon it & see it the way i & Islam does: disgusting, pointless & haram. Period. End of discussion.

I try to surround myself with people who at least share my morality & see the idiocity of things such as drinking.

I will never be able to understand some people's logic. This whole thing makes me pretty sad.

Some people think it makes you a man...how does intoxicating urself, investing in future health problems, and putting others around you make you a man? Alcohol intoxicates & impairs you & when you're under the influence of alcohol you can't do many things, & one of those is praying.

Some people think you have to drink to be accepted...just face it there's a lot of muslims who drink...maybe they feel societal pressure. Well, i think alcohol is for the ignorant who are easily suseptible to societal pressures and don't have the power to even stand up for themselves

Actually it is the case whether you like it or not...alcohol's in your face & society is telling you to take it...some people think you have to drink to feel in.

I don't give a damn what type of "peer pressure" muslims get from their non-muslim peers...DRINKING IS HARAM AND IT SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN LIGHTLY...sorry for those who oppose my opinion but that's how i feel.

I am not at all up for having an "holier than thou" attitude & leaving out those who "you think" are'nt good for you. The point is every one is capable of falling into sins. You, me...every person.

Thus, it's impossible to assume that "I am good and everyone else is bad". Everyone is capable of doing good acts and bad acts.

We should definitely try to help out others with their iman if we are capable of it, by providing them with knowledge and making them aware of the consequences of haram acts.

I'd rather be a loser in this world than be a loser in the Hereafter in front of Allah.

So i'd pretty much rather prefer getting drunk over a glass of Ribena or milk.

*Ends rant*

2006-07-16T23:32:00.000-07:00

We all know about the unjust & inhuman atrocities which our fellow muslims nowdays are being forced to face...be it in Palestine, Kashmir, Iraq, Chechnya, Afghanistan & recently Lebanon...endless.

How many times do we thank Allah for making us a muslim & granting us so much luxuries, comfort & happiness especially we Muslim youths in Singapore???

How many times do we remember our fellow muslims in our doas???

After seeing my fellow muslims being oppressed & all on the news...i feel so sad, furious, helpless...can't i do anything to ease their suffering?

We are the youths of this present age...its up to us...we CAN do something...but how can we help???

The first step is becoming knowledgeable, strengthen our iman, put it into practice & actually caring & being concerned about what is happening. We are pretty limited in our ability to affect direct change.

As youths, we are not in the position to change policies around the world but I don't know, man. I feel so freaking drained when I think of all of the injustices in this world.

I mean we could donate money & we should. We could protest & we should. We could do so much & we should.

But it seems as if the system is becoming so big to change, the injustices too many. This isn't an excuse to not work for change, but for myself personally I think having control over my personal being & trying to better my iman is the most important thing i can do.

Allah only helps a people when they help themselves, and these world events are a test to the believers, insya Allah pushing us back to practicing Islam properly.

And if i could be honest....i think The Arab League is fcuking useless...disgustingly corrupt, going after wealth, status & dunia.

We shouldn't just be Muslim ''by name''...i don't wanna go b4 my Lord empty handed.

2006-07-15T02:24:00.000-07:00

I'd just like to share something I learned in my class...

when you're watching tv and your mom or dad tells you to go pray, and you don't get up right then (you wait a while or just skip it all-together), it's considered syirik...because you've made the tv more important than Allah.

It's that serious. And it's not cool.

And also...i learned that crack is bad for you.

I was watching this show on cable earlier & there was this scene at a funeral where this guy apparently died in an accident...

The people were mourning over his death & getting all emo...

Then one of the teary eyed people who was an old lady started to wail...''Why, why him, of all people? ''

At the back of my head i was thinking...Why? Would it rather have been you, old lady?

Anyways, i was online with zak earlier & had a pretty interesting convo...

Zak says: can animals be gay?
Hardi: yeah i think so dude
Zak says: really?
Hardi says: i've heard of such stories from amir & his little escapades
Zak says: lol
Zak says: cuz....
Zak says: being gay is deviant
Hardi says: oh
Zak says: and its the work of the devil
Zak says: but i don tink the devil influences animals
Zak says: do they?
Hardi says: well maybe the animals were posessed by jins or sumting
Zak says: i heard animals go to animal paradise...
Hardi says: heck i dunno
Hardi says: maybe they weren't being gay at all
Zak says: maybe..
Hardi says: maybe it just looked gay
Zak says: ya thats prolly it
Hardi says: why are we having this conversation?
Zak says: i donno

After this particular convo...i've come to a conclusion that Zak himself is gay & i'm pretty sure about it...

So people...ZAK IS GAY...LOCK UR DOORS...MAKE SURE YOUR KIDS & SIBLINGS ARE INDOORS...HE'S A BIGGER THREAT THAN THE TSUNAMI!!!

Well ok, i was pretty much exaggerating there...in fact Zak is pretty much straight as far as i know coz he has not hit on me or anything so far.

So does anyone know that the average keyboard has more germs on it than the toilet seat?

Geez...lets sing a little lullaby before i turn in.

Birdy, birdy, in the sky, dropped his poopy in my eye. I don't mind, I don't cry, I thank God that cows can't fly...alhamdulillah...whatever that means.

Good night people.

2006-07-10T13:42:00.000-07:00

So Froza Italia won the World Cup...

So Zizou got send off & that prolly cost the Les Bleus the cup...

So what on God's big green ball of freakin awesomeness was he thinking when he headbutted that poor Matarazzi dude?

Matarazzi is one poor dude, oh gosh...when headbutted, he fell like a tonne of bricks, it was as if he was hit by a freight train or gunned down by a hail of bullets...someone should present him with an Academy Award for Best Actor...

Zizou was prolly provoked by Matarazzi for him to get so pissed...last news that i heard was that Matarazzi called Zizou a ''dirty terrorist''...what an ignorant scum Matarazzi is if that was true...

So people, how are Muslims supposed to deal with anger? Hit me with some info...before I hit you...ok just kidding there.

For girls, unless specific womanly functions get you in odd moods, but thats once in a blue moon, you can always punch a pillow or scream into a pillow...or sit down and take huge breaths...lol.

Maybe lock yourselves in the bathroom, punch the walls and cry or throw things so they make noise...that could make you feel better.

Have you ever seen someone's face when they are angry? It has to be without a doubt, one of the ugliest things I have ever seen in my life.

Sometimes, when I get angry, I just imagine how I look, and it makes me laugh. Unfortunately, that's because I'm ugly. *quipped*

For me personally...anger clouds my reason; I can't harness it or whatever. Anger is irrational. If you make it rational, I don't consider it anger. When i get ultra-mad, i'll prolly laugh it off...juzt laugh like a maniac.

Anger just takes too much effort... anger sucks big time...so love even those who are so annoying that you want to poke their eye balls out off their sockets.

There's a doa...oh there's two doas : ) I don't wanna mess up the arabic by typing it out so I'll give you the translations.

1. I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Shaitan. (Auudzubillahi minashaytan nirrajim) This doa is called the Taawudz.

2. Oh Allah, forgive me my sins, and remove the anger of my heart, and keep me sheltered from trials which lead astray.

Allah is merciful to those who show mercy. So perhaps if we remember that, we will lose our anger and be nice for the sake of Allah....

And yeah don't forget to do wudhu with icey cold water...haha!

2006-07-05T23:05:00.000-07:00

I don't know what the toot Eugene was thinking when he buzzed me up earlier today...

Me: Hello?
Eugene: Hey balls! So what are you doing?
Me: Nothin'.
Eugene: OK. Bye.
Me: Bye.

I've known Eugene like since our NS days together...everytime he was rather quiet.

Except for the time when we passed out frOm our Basic Section Leaders Course...that's when I saw him dance like a monkey.

Other than that...today i accidentally put my watch in the fridge, then walked away and spent 2 hours looking for it...idiocy at its best.

So Portugal is up against France later at 3 am...i'm rooting for the Les Bleus...

I would so love to see Cristiano Ronaldo bawl like a baby when Portugal gets beat...someone should get him a pacifier or something just in case.

Go Les Bleus...

Jazakallahu khair...good night people.

2006-07-04T22:37:00.000-07:00

First & foremost, i owe Hajar an apology for getting her dad's name wrong...it should haf been Abdul Razik...in fact luckily i didn't put her dad's name as Abdul Razan...Only God Knows how she would haf reacted then.

And about the ending...it didn't actually end just like that as i'm still thinking about what would happen next...trying to fit in ryn & razan into the story line as well...see la how it goes.

All this thinking makes my feet hurt and my cerebral in my brain feels like its gonna burst at any time...no kidding.

So i'd post the 2nd part of the story most prolly by this w/end.

Earlier today, i was recalling the silly or dumb things that happen when i was a kid....and slowly it all came back...

When i was like 5 or so when i was still living at Kembangan...we had this Muezzin in a mosque nearby....his voice was Masya Allah...AMAZING...it was loud and BOOMING!!!

Masya Allah...and the Azan he gave was beautiful...u know what...till i was 7 or so...i thought the voice was...Allah SWT!

Then i remember when i was at my religous class...my Ustaz was teaching this kid how to call the Azan but he wasn't loud enough...so my Ustaz tried to set up an example...he said "Say if ur sister was standing all the way in the park..how would u call her?" and the kid replies "..On the telephone"

I used to drink grape juice out of a wine glass and pretend it was wine in an attempt to be cool...failure of my life.

I also had the habit of bumping into lamp posts and then apologising to them later on.

Thinking back...i couldn't help but laugh to myself.

That said...i'm pretty much glad that England was knocked out of the World Cup even thou i'm an England fan...

Only one thought came to my mind when England was knocked out...

Well, i had only one thought...innlillahi wa inna ilahi rajiuun.

Ok salamz

Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis

2006-07-02T17:20:00.000-07:00

Note: Everything written here is purely fiction and in this following story, Nini is a human being instead of a hamster. This following story is based loosely on the lives of Siti Hajar Binte Abdul Razak & her pet hamster Nini. *suppress laughter*

Hajar and Horny are walking home from school talking about the usual...guys.

*Hajar trips*

Hajar: Nini kush...that was so embarrassing!!!

Nini: Hahahaha...ur so dumb...lol!!!

Hajar: I remember last time...I tripped when I was checking him out...

Nini: Hmmm? Checking him? Who? Whom? When?

Hajar: Some dude crossing the road yesterday. Oh my John!!! His eyes were like Nicholas Saputra's!!! *blush * Seriously nini, do you lower your gaze when you walk?

Nini: OF COURSE I DO!!! Oh my John!!!

Hajar: REALLY, BABE???

Nini: Y-E-S DUUUUUUUUH....how about you then? Do you???

Hajar: Hehehehe!!! Well, I meaN....yeah, of course I do lower my gaze when there are cute guys around...lol!

Nini: Haha oh okie...you liar!

*Hajar & Nini in hysterics grabbing each other in laughter*

Nini: *sigh*

Hajar: *sigh*

*Good looking dude with buff body & smelling nice walks by in same direction as them*

Good looking dude: excuse maaa.....

Nini: *moves out of the way*

Hajar: So do you seriously lower your gaze?

Nini: Why sure.....of course I do.....if not i would get horny like you.....lol!!!

Hajar: *suppresses laughter*

Nini: *nudges elbow at hajar* Oh my John, Hajar kush!!! Budak itu nye jeans are way too tight!!!

Hajar: LOOOOOOOOL!!! Mata kau nampak aje eh.....HAHAHA!!!

Nini: Yeah but they are!!!

Hajar: *takes a glance* OMG UR RIGHTTTTTT!!! HAHAHA!!!

*Hajar & Nini then crossed the road at the traffic light*

Nini: HAHAHAHA yeah.....i so lower my gaze la.....like.....HELL YEAH!!!

Hajar: HAHAHAHAHA!!!

*both gets hit by oncoming car at traffic light*

Constipated People Don't Give A Crap

2006-06-30T17:39:00.000-07:00

Apparently, i must have been freaking out some lovely people with all my so called weird posts.

Hence since its a friday, i decided to write about something meaningful & to rack up some hasanah (kebaikan) in the process...

A few friends are going through tough times with either break ups or problems in their r/ships.

Heck...i feel for them during this tough times...its prolly harder than scaling Bukit Timah.

R/ships boils down to just one single word...LOVE.

Coz thats prolly the only sane reason that i can come up with for two people of the opposite sex to get into a r/ship ...

That is unless the only reason you are interested in getting into a r/ship is because you're only interested in getting laid...get the drift?

Well folks, you see...love are like endorphins.

Endorphins are found in chocolate...

And apparently chocolate gives you that same sensation as falling in love...that what hardi thinks obviously. *quipped*

Love is a blessing given to us by Allah to support and sustain our loved ones...

emotionally...

physically...

spiritually...

intellectually...

morally...

rationally...

aesthetically...

mentally...

ethically...

financially & psychologically to the best of our ability & iman.

Oh what the hell... I love you all.

Anyway, in a r/ship, i've always thought that prayers could always prove useful...

I mean "Doa itu adalah senjata orang mukmin"...

So if you're a girl having problems in your r'ship with your man...it wouldn't hurt a tiny bit for you to make doa...

Say a little doa...prolly something like this...

Dear Allah...

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man...

Love to forgive him...

And Patience for his moods...

Because, Oh Allah, if I were to pray for Strength...

I'll beat him to death...AMIN YA RABBAL ALAMIN.

Ok Wasalam.

2006-06-29T17:42:00.000-07:00

Out of curiousity, i asked my mom this silly question before i went to bed the other night.

That question being, "What were the first words thst came out from my mouth when i was a little kiddo?"

Mom couldn't exactly recall what my first words were as she was prolly to busy changing my soiled diapers...

Then i thought to myself...

Its kinda obvious that every single little tots first words were prolly mama, dada (or the like)...or maybe something like gaga, gagabooboo (or something of the like)...

The first words out of my mouth could have been goo goo ga ga...

In baby language it must have meant...

"Quick! Change my diapers, i can't breathe!"

But if i could start again...it would have been...

"somebody shoot BUSH!"

There must be loads of stuffs that my parents do not know about me...

The fact that i smoked when i was in sec skool must have been one of my best kept secrets...

Through closed eyes, I then visualize...what are the things that my parents prolly do not know about me...

1) That i'm actually adopted and was swapped at KK Hospital.

2) That i'm insane.

3) That i'm also an idiot.

4) That i can be both at consecutive times.

5) That i'm a lunatic.

6) But i'm a saner lunatic than they are.

7) They don't know what kind of odd music I listen to. (Ex: Nasyid songs) *deadpan*

8) They don't know that i'm secretly planning the take over the world using cows & skateboards.

9) My parents think I'm gay. My big secret is that I'm not.

10) My secret wish is to live in the Amazon.

I guess the late nights catching the World Cup must be taking a toll on me...

Just the other night, i stayed up to watch the 3am match...

It was then when i saw a small white object on the floor crawling and rolling around... i seriously thought it was a mouse but it was only tissue. *slaps forehead*

After finding out that it was just some tissue...

In my mind i was like "what the %^&$%#"...and i thought i was feeling high with all the caffiene and endorphins...damn!

Bye, folks!

2006-06-26T21:43:00.000-07:00

I feel like crap...my nose is stuffed and i just feel horrible.

Actually i dunno how I feel exactly coz feelings are stupid...so let's just boycott them all.

Right now, i'm growing my thoughts...they want to come out...

My thoughts are like watching fake grass trying to grow...

I was just wondering if i can really beat the daylights out of a person?

I think i'm the girly girly type...anyway i wouldn't think anyone would want to pick a fight with me as i'm oh so lovable...tee hee!

I could only ever slap people. Fighting properly seems too formal to me.

I am not gonna lie, I can't really fight...my hands are too weak... but hey i can kick!

I've only had a proper proper fight once in primary skool, but before a single punch was thrown...all the peeps ran away coz the discipline master made an unannounced entrance.

However...i probably can verbally beat someone up.

When someone disses you, make doa for them....

It will stump them:May you get Jannah...Amin!

Here's a good comeback doa:May sand always fill your shoes...geez!

I'm usually a really mellow guy and it takes a lot to get me violent...well, any guy can kick butt if he's mad enough even if he's the girly girly type.

Speaking of doas...

To zak...doa request received and in processing...i'll ship it out with the sunrise the next morning. Best wishes, young man....haha!

I was watching Farenheit 9/11 the other night on cable...its about Michael Moore's view on what happened to the United States after September 11 and how the Bush Administration allegedly used the tragic event to push forward its agenda for unjust wars in Afghanistan and Iraq...great stuff!

The funniest quotes i have ever heard from that movie must have been Bush saying :

1) Long Live America.

2) God Bless America.

See very funny...better hide before the FBI come and get me or worst Singapore's very own Internal Security Department...yikes! *runs away and hides under bed*

2006-06-23T21:02:00.000-07:00

Ahoy folks...again!!!

Before i start with my "superheroes" post today...

Do you folks want to know whats one of my pet peeves when doing Friday prayers?

Its when you line up to pray and the person next to you steps on your toes!!!

Damn, be gentle, dude...i gotta earn a living.

That unfortunately happened to me today...but not to worry...

Its all good...kesabaran separuh keimanan...cey!

Talking about "superheroes"...

Think of all those times when you have sat in front of the tv screen with your mouth open...

looking at your favourite cartoon characters...

Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Spiderman, X-Men, Ninja Turtles, Transformers, Power Rangers...Barney The Purple Dinosaur!!!

So here are some whom i picked at random...

I think The Flash sucks... geez!

I mean...whats with the yellow ear plugs and crappy suit?

His legs would get fried if he ran that fast wearing such a costume.

Errmm...and don't even get me started on Wonder woman. *aurat alert*

I've never liked Wonder woman... she seemed so fake and powerless to me.

Haha...and the only thing i remember her doing was flying and prancing around in her underwear.

While Batman looks like a drag queen on steroids...tee hee!

My oh my...not to forget Superman...yikes!

Superman's outfit colors...TACKY!!!

I mean COME ON... red and blue?

And they were bold!

Oh gosh...Superman wearing his underwear on the outside...remember? *nearly faints*

I remember having a crush on one of the Power rangers when i was young and dumb....

I used to wake up so early on saturdays, just so that i can see her!!!

How pathetic was i...

I also remember all the girls swooning over the Green Ranger!

*talks to fist* ZORDON ZORDON! come in ZORDON!

*Laughing myself silly*

Spiderman : from being a geek to the coolest guy ever!!!

Plus he's got Mary Jane...haha!

Well, if i had superpowers myself...i'd like to have...

X-ray vision so i can umm err uhhh...*hides*

Fly and be super strong!!! Shoot beams!!! Wakaka!!!

Or just teleport...hmm

I wish I had the power...to read people's minds...

And turn people into frogs...*evil chuckle*

Okie la folks...thats enough with being silly for the day...

Anyway, that tree outside looks lonely....

I should go and give it a hug!!!

2006-06-20T01:41:00.000-07:00

Ahoy all!

I think during this World Cup, my brain works slower than usual...

Earlier this morning, after waking up from my "beauty sleep", i wanted to say "Assalamualaikum" to my mum who was in the kitchen...

But in my mind I was thinking "Alhamdulillah" but I couldn't remember how to say salam so i walked up to her and said ''Allahu Akbar''!

My mom had this dumbfounded look on her face....

And later in the afternoon, i was looking everywhere for my specs to use the comp...

and guess where they were the whole time?

On my face!!!

And you know what?

I had the sudden urge today to fight a gorilla in hand to hand combat...

I'm not sure why but the gorilla would probably beat me hands down...

I dunnoe, man...

BUT...i think if i hit him in the throat, or grabbed his nipple, i could take him...

What do you folks think? Tee hee...i must be nuts!

Anyway, come this weekend...

I want to personally kick Amir's butt for being online but stupidly not actually being at the pc and wasting valuable electricity and contributing to pollution and the breakdown of the ozone layer...

That is if i see him la....

For my next post..i'm contemplating about writing about superheroes!

Boy oh boy...wouldn't that be interesting? Hmm...

Fate is like a madman chasing me with a knive

2006-06-19T18:38:00.000-07:00

Princess ruc had a little request...tee hee!

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME

-I am emo-phobic.
-I own my own website, comekissmybehindyoufool.com
-I look good in spandex...just like Superman.
-I am straight...as in my sexual orientation.
-I can fart, sneeze, cough, burp and do a 360 flip on a skateboard all at the same time.
-I am extremely shy with people from the opposite sex. *blush*
-I grow soft lush facial hair.

7 THINGS THAT SCARE ME

-George Bush and his merry men *deadpan*
-Cows falling from the sky.
-Cops knocking at my door.
-Getting followed around by transvestites at Changi.
-Hyper-ventilating.
-Hallucinations.
-You.

7 RANDOM MUSIC AT THE MOMENT

-Hawthorne Heights - Ohio Is For Lovers
-From First To Last - Note To Self
-Strung Out - Analog
-John Mayer - Your Body Is A Wonderland
-MxPx - The Darkest Places
-Hidden In Plain View - Ashes, Ashes
-Lifehouse - You And Me

7 THINGS/PEOPLE I LIKE THE MOST

-My dysFUNctional family.
-My Guys & Dolls.
-Foam parties in the toilet.
-Blowing bubbles.
-People of the opposite sex. (who doesn't?)
-Waxing my beard.
-A board with 4 wheels.

7 THINGS I SAY THE MOST

-Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
-Dreams are awesome like a cow wearing glasses.
-You lazy cow.
-Lame tart.
-Dimwit.
-Tits & Ass.
-Astaghfirullah.

7 PEOPLE TO DO THIS

-My hot neighbour
-The girl who lives on th 8th floor
-Wonderwoman
-Paris Hilton
-Zarqawi (Oh yeah, it slipped my mind that he's already dead)
-The girl who cried at the bus-stop
-Oh you sweet little thing

I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it :)

2006-06-15T11:47:00.000-07:00

Dreams...

They can either be happy ones or depressing ones...

Mine...the dream that i had was downright weird...rather perculiar

No...it wasn't a wet dream...i didn't really pee in my pants or anything like that

This was something else...what were you folks thinking? *wry smile*

I actually dreamt that...

Kelloggs Tiger was chasing me, i thought he wanted to kill me so i ran...

I ran all the way to KFC where i ended up ordering a Zinger meal...

Then Kelloggs Tiger practically sat down at the table with me and ate together with me...then everything was alright.!

I mean, who dreams this kind of dreams anyway?

Surely there must be some meaning to it right?

So i decided that i'll try figuring out what my dream really meant....it could mean anything....it could be a sign or an omen...

After racking my brains...i came up with a few

1) That i should adopt a pet tiger?

2) I should start eating Kelloggs Frosties instead of Honeystars?

3) Dump KFC and start eating at coffee shops?

4) Pay a visit to the tigers at the Singapore Zoo?

5) Run in a marathon?

6) Bet all my life savings on Togo to win the World Cup?

7) Ask my hot neighbour out for a date?

8) Run around naked at the Esplanade?

Bleargh...i'm not to sure about the last one...who would want to see me naked anyway?

People would either end up getting nauseous, puking or worst....faint at the very sight of me naked...geez!

I probably should'nt read too much into the dream...

What if you dreamt last night that you got eaten up by a Great White Shark?

Well, it probably means you should stop eating Shark's Fin Soup...or else the Great White Shark himself will come and get you...

*Look at myself in the mirror*...yikes...my pores are opening up...i'd probably need to go for a facial during the weekend...

2006-06-14T19:06:00.000-07:00

Its rather amusing...

When people say they aspire to go to Jannah when they die...

But in fact they aren't doing anything or something that will bring them to Jannah...

I myself do wish to go to Jannah when i die...

But the question is...do i deserve to?

Its like sitting for an exam and you have to prepare and study for it...

And you only get to know the results on the Day of Judgement itself...

I do not know if my bad overweighs my good and i sure do not know if i'll receive my book on my right hand or my left...

The fact is we have to work for it...

Lets take prayers for an example...

Its only 5 times a day and already at times it seems so difficult for us to fulfill this obligation...

You see, solat is one of the 5 Pillars of Islam...the other 4 being the syahadah, puasa, zakat
and Haj...

Looking back at the word 5 Pillars of Islam....

If we do not do our solat hence we are not fulfilling our responsibility as a Muslim right?

So aren't we collapsing our very own religion?

Imagine a house, you need pillars to make the house stand strong

The same goes for the 5 pillars of Islam....

If you don't solat, you take away one pillar...4 pillars left...its just like a man who has just one leg to walk on or man who is blind in one eye...

To me, solat is like the very essence that makes us a Muslim...

There are 24 hrs a day, so when i add up the minutes it usually takes to say the 5 times a day prayers...it only takes us roughly 30 mins or so....

So can't we just spare 30 minutes a day in our very life to prostrate to our Lord...or are we going to be so taken in by this worldly life and neglect our responsibility altogether...

I just think that we shouldn't be ignorant and lacklustre when it comes to such an important matter such as solat...its not something that we should take lightly and have that heck care attitude...

At least if we pelihara our solat...its one step to Jannah...

Anyway i wanna get high in Jannah...and probably indulge in some chocalate...tee hee!

If anyone has watched this season's Singapore Idol, i'm sure they know who Paul Twohill is...

Well, for my two cents worth...i think he looks retarded *quip*

Ahakz... and not to forget Rahimah Rahim...

My 1st thought when i saw her on TV was...oh boy, does she look HOT...

My 2nd thought of her...HOT again

My 3rd thought...you guess it...HOT once more

But when i thought about it again...boy, she's hot but then HELL IS HOTTER...*faints*

2006-06-11T23:38:00.000-07:00

Question:

Is Harry Potter a wimp or is he not?

You decide...

*Rhytmic mechanical breathing*

*A dark figure emerges from the shadows*

*Harry Potter is alerted by the dark presence, and turns around*

*And he sees......!*

*Mechanical voice speaks*"Harry, I am your Father!"

"No. You are lying! My father was killed by Voldermort"*

Harry is pissed off. And he raises the wand to hex the rude visitor in fancy black cloth with lights. The cape is cool though.

Like a dark wizard."I see.... *breathing*..... Dumbeldore has been telling stories.... *more breathing*..... the dark one didn't kill me. He only showed me the power of the dark side..... *breath*"

"What..? It is impossible! You liar!!"

*Harry fires a hex at the stranger, but it merely reflects off him. Harry's jaw dropped as he noticed the stranger doesn't even have a wand to defend himself.

"HAHAHAHA *cough.. breath* Impressive! .... But the dark side is powerful"

*Harry tries another spell, same result*

"Join me Harry! Together we can kill Voldermort. Dark lord has foreseen it!"

"I will nevah join youu" *in brit accent*

"Come to the dark side Harry. ... *breathing* Resistance is futile....." *more breathing*

"NEV-VAAAH!"

"We have cookies!" *breathing*

"Oh. Why didn't you say so? In that case....."

*Harry takes a cookie from a tray which seem to have appeared suddenly*

*The two figures walk into sunset*

To be mentally honest, i flipped upon reading this which i chanced upon while browsing through some forum. Harry Potter novels are a good read thou. I kinda like Dumbledore's beard...its so sunnah-like...if an ant were to get stuck in there, i bet it wouldn't be able to find its way out. Either that it'll suffocate to death. *evil laughter*

Watching England playing their 1st game against Paraguay...heart pain la.

The way they play is too predictable, no imagination...no penetration in attack...just pumping the ball up to Crouchy and expecting him to go give knockdowns to the on-rushing Owen...it just won't work out...

Even though Crouchy is a Liverpool player, i shudder at the thought when every time he jumps to head the ball....his legs will give way and break apart....*shudder at the thought*

Have you ever seen his legs anyway...they seem so fragile...so brittle...looks more like bones than muscles to me

Gerrard shouldn't be playing in front of the the back four...if you put him in that position...you are not playing him to his strengths..he should be playing just behind the front two instead...there is where he revels most...

Hell, if i were Mr Eriksson...this would be my much prefered formation

--------Robinson----------

Neville Terry Campbell Cole

--------Carragher----------

Beckham Lampard Joe Cole

--------Gerrard-------------

----Rooney-----

-----------------Owen-------

I am no pro but this has got to be the best way to go for England...

If you were wondering why i prefered Campbell instead of Ferdinand...well, reason is...Campbell keeps things simple and easy at the back while Ferdinand, cool as he may be...he tends to go forward with the ball a little bit too much for my liking...he is no Ronaldinho you gotta admit it...

And i have to say i dislike his hair...he probably thinks he looks like Snoop Dog with the hair

Lampard and Gerrard could take turns in going forward...Becks should just stick to the right flank....when i say stick, i mean really stick....Becks tends to drift into the middle too often too much...in the process congesting the midfield...he should just leave the midfield to Lamps and Gerrard...maybe Becks thinks he's Maradona or Zidane...

If Rooney ain't fit yet then Crouchy should take his place...i don't doubt his work ethic on the pitch...

You don't need to be a rocket scientist to know your football...if England keeps playing the way they played in the 1st match...they can forget about reaching the final.

That said...c'mon England!

Guys&Dolls

exalant!

Ride on.

I just ate toothpaste but really i prefer the aroma of foot powder

may we all live in interesting times

Girls with hair on their back... that's messed up.

Hullabaloney in my pants

Armed with my peanut butter, i am ready to take on the world.

Dude, can i borrow your boxer shorts? The one with the polka dots?

I moshed with my grandma. is she cool or what?

Pops said emo is like punk's retarded cousin or something.

Rock Against Bush & Random Farting On Trains

Let's give one last shot and skate to the moon and back.

I am a god-damn sailor

what do you mean no mohawks at the office?

hold your horses and save the whales, you bozos!

i just found out that all my heroes are parasites

FADED SUPERHEROES HOLD MEETINGS IN BLACKHOLES

Yeah whatever. Britney Spears got married to her dancer husband.Does she know i even exist? No.

KILL THE ROCKSTAR, SAVE THE PRESIDENT AND BE MERRY

I'm under 45 years old & i am not really Yugoslavian

how to eat ghosts after eating crystals

Climb over the wall to get a cab ride

Love & rockets

hyperventilated awesomeness goes swimming

Mini-skirts, pom-poms & tudungs

save me from me, mr clown

This is where the burger raped the cow

Just like enchanted cows doing encores

AND THE TELETUBBIES WENT TO WAR

The fish ate the homework

my hand smells like digested cow

can the shoe be saved?

Can we eat gay people?

it's hard to stop when there is no inter-pop

Laughing isn't Haram. Seriously.

Mickey Mouse had King Kong for supper

Superman doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the earth down.

i hearts open houses *swoons*

All you people are vampires.

Karma eats poo

I Think About Zombies All the Time, Seriously

let's rock it with flip-flops

strange happenings!

aidiladha is a goat's favourite day & nasi briyani lovers

SO SANTA, WHO'S YOUR DADDY NOW?

i swear hijabs can save your life

I feel dumb. I was prollie being too friendly with my buddy's sister that he doesn't want to talk to me. Therefore toads are cute.

I COULD HAVE LEARNT MORE WATCHING DORA THE EXPLORER

Anything stupid to be sung is sung by Britney Spears.

Batman looks like a drag queen on steroids.

Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.

Fate is like a madman chasing me with a knive.

Mummy, can i be James Bond?

Superman is gay. He wears his underwear on the outside.

Power rangers are goofy.

I like to watch fake grass grow.

Anything stupid to be said is said by yours truly, George Bush.

Can animals be gay?

Nobody dares to fight me because i am oh-so lovable.

Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis

Constipated People Don't Give A Crap

Fate is like a madman chasing me with a knive

I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it :)

i hearts open houses swoons